I was once on a double date, my friend Mark and his wife Sandy were in the front seat, Mark was driving, and I told him, “That guy in the other lane is coming over,” and Mark took his foot off the gas about the time the other car changed lanes and almost hit us.

Everyone was impressed but the truth is, I worked in traffic for most of my adult life and you get an idea of what drivers are going to do before they do it. Or you get hurt.

It’s not fool proof, because fools are getting more foolish by the day, and you can’t trust anything but a concrete barrier when it comes to stupid drivers.

I have seen some strange sh!t.

When a contractor hired someone new for flagging traffic, I would talk to them for a while, get to know them, and try to figure out if they were going to get killed, or get me killed. Flagging traffic does not take a lot of intelligence, but it cannot be done by anyone who isn’t smart enough to be afraid of traffic.

New Guy told me he was nervous, had a bad feeling about the work. It was a side road, not busy, and I told him just keep your eyes open and don’t turn your back on traffic. I was walking back to my truck when I heard the log truck lock his brakes down and the squeal of rubber on the road made my skin crawl.

New Guy ran.

Not just away from the scene, but down the street, to the nearest store, found a pay phone and called his wife to come get him. The skid marks were one hundred and nine feet long.

Had a guy pull a shotgun on a flagger one day and two cars behind him was a deputy, who was not amused. They got the driver for DUI and threatening someone with a gun. That flagger quit, too.

Ronnie and I were sitting on my tailgate on a Friday, eating breakfast and drinking coffee and it was the last day of the project. Ronnie didn’t do traffic control because he ran the tack truck, which sprayed hot tar out at 350 degrees onto the road so the asphalt would stick to it. But the next Monday Ronnie was trying to stop a semi as they unloaded their equipment and the truck hit him.

Someone called me and told me there had been an accident involving an asphalt crew and wanted to know if I was the project manager. I told them no, I had a crew that finished that Friday. They told me who the contractor was and I waited to find out who had been killed. It was Ronnie.

I stopped taking chances in traffic after I retired. All chances. Any chances. I won’t go to my mailbox if traffic is coming. I rarely pass anyone. I avoid Interstate.

I remember the guy that pulled up on a bridge we were building and asked if he could go on through. There was a seventy-foot-wide gap to the other side and a creek in the middle.

Idiots are getting dumber and I am getting slower. That’s why I don’t do traffic anymore.

Your favorite stupid driver story…..go!

Take Care,

Mike