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Avatar director James Cameron congratulates his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow on her Oscar win (and his loss)  as Best Director for her film The Hurt Locker.

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• It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
• During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
• All telephone numbers in America begin with 555.
• Most dogs are immortal.
• If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.
• All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
• All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
• It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, provided there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
• Dinosaurs only eat ugly or immoral people.
• Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.
• The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
• If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition – even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.
• You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
• Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
• If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
• The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
• All single women have a cat.
• A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
• If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
• The Chief of Police is always black.
• When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet. As you take out a bill, just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
• If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by six inches.
• Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
• Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people – whether they are employed or not.
• Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
• If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
• Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
• Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
• Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
• Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.
• If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.
• The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective – or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
• When the star detective gets suspended, it’s usually because he has wrecked 20 cars during a pursuit, or because he has offended the mayor.
• A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of an average football stadium.
• If a killer is lurking in your house, it’s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath – even if it’s the middle of the afternoon – then look in your bathroom mirror and he will suddenly appear behind you.
• Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
• Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
• Restaurant bills will always be 15% less than the amount you are holding in your hand.
• Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant. The room will be subtly lit.
• A person being pursued will always stop and throw something at the person chasing them – even though it takes three times longer to stop and throw the obstacles than it does for the person chasing to jump over them.

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