Groaners
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur ‘s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I’ll go on ahead.”
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.”
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
20. A backward poet writes inverse.
21. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
23. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
The origin of the word Jeep
The word “Jeep” was coined by Popeye’s creator, E.C. Segar. Popeye had a strange little “jungle pet” named Eugene the Jeep that could apparently pop in and out of dimensions and solve any problem with his special abilities.
The word “Jeep” first showed up in the Popeye comics in 1936; the American military started using the phrase “Jeep wagons” two years later. It’s suggested that soldiers started calling the military vehicle such because, like Eugene the Jeep, it was able to show up in seemingly impossible situations because of how versatile it was.
The word “goon” also appeared for the first time ever in a Popeye strip.
Sleep Talkin’ Man
An Englishman named Adam has become an internet sensation as he talks in his sleep. His wife Karen records his talking and posts his narratives word for word on her blog Sleep Talkin’ Man. Warning: Language NSFW
Here are a few of the cleaner (about as clean as they get, anyway) examples from the last few days:
- Jan 19 2010
“My bagder’s gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!”
“No, not the cats. Don’t trust them. Their eyes. Their eyes. They know too much.”
“Just look at yourself. Yeah, now look at me. You don’t stand a chance. It must suck to be you, I’m sure.” - Jan 16 2010
“Monkey power! Straight from the jungle.” - Jan 12 2010
“I’m baking pillows. Burn them slowly, keeps them fluffy! Mmmmmm, pillows.”
“Potato bags. I can’t find my potato bags. I need them! [desperately] Who’s got my potato bags? Oh, fuck it! I’ll have to use something else.”
“Dogs’ scrotums. They stretch.”
“Pork chops are most satisfying. Mmmmmmm. Dangle them from the ceiling.” - Jan 9 2010
“Oompa loompas don’t sing in heaven. They tidy up the clouds.”
“Legs time! Everybody get your legs!”
“Get stuck in.”
“Please just walk away. I don’t want to have to stand here and say something so awesome that I’ll have to remember it the rest of the day. Thank you!”
“You can stop clapping now if you want. Really. You’ll need your energy for cheering me later. Shhhhhhhh. shhhhhhhh.”
[yelled upon waking] “COCK HUNTER!” - Dec 25 2009 A Christmas morning special!
“I don’t want to watch. I want to get my hands dirty, all the way up to my shoulder. Filthy.”
“I can’t control the kittens. Too many whiskers! Too many whiskers!”
This couple appeared on the Today Show on NBC this morning and appeared on This Morning in the UK a few days ago.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
15 Interesting facts about dreams
Dreaming is one of the most mysterious and interesting experiences in our lives. During the Roman Era, some dreams were even submitted to the Roman Senate for analysis and dream interpretation. They were thought to be messages from the gods. Dream interpreters even accompanied military leaders into battles and campaigns!
In addition to this, it is also known, that many artists have received their creative ideas from their dreams.
But what do we actually know about dreams? Here are 15 interesting facts about dreams:
1. You Forget 90% of Your Dreams
Within 5 minutes of waking, half of your dream is forgotten. Within 10, 90% is gone.2. Blind People also Dream
People who became blind after birth can see images in their dreams. People who are born blind do not see any images, but have dreams equally vivid involving their other senses of sound, smell, touch and emotion.3. Everybody Dreams
Every human being dreams (except in cases of extreme psychological disorder). If you think, you are not dreaming, you just forget your dreams.4. In Our Dreams We Only See Faces, That We already Know
Our mind is not inventing faces – in our dreams we see real faces of real people that we have seen during our life but may not know or remember. We have all seen hundreds of thousands of faces throughout our lives, so we have an endless supply of characters for our brain to utilize during our dreams.5. Not Everybody Dreams in Color
A full 12% of sighted people dream exclusively in black and white. The remaining number dream in full color. Studies from 1915 through to the 1950s maintained that the majority of dreams were in black and white, but these results began to change in the 1960s. Today, only 4.4% of the dreams of under-25 year-olds are in black and white. Recent research has suggested that those changing results may be linked to the switch from black-and-white film and TV to color media.6. Dreams are Symbolic
If you dream about some particular subject it is not often that the dream is about that. Dreams speak in a deeply symbolic language. Whatever symbol your dream picks on it is most unlikely to be a symbol for itself.7. Emotions
The most common emotion experienced in dreams is anxiety. Negative emotions are more common than positive ones.8. You can have four to seven dreams in one night.
On average, you can dream anywhere from one or two hours every night.9. Animals Dream Too
Studies have been done on many different animals, and they all show the same brain waves during dreaming sleep as humans. Watch a dog sleeping sometime. The paws move like they are running and they make yipping sounds as if they are chasing something in a dream.10. Body Paralysis
Rapid eye movement (REM) sleep is a normal stage of sleep characterized by rapid movements of the eyes. REM sleep in adult humans typically occupies 20-25% of total sleep, about 90-120 minutes of a night’s sleep.During REM sleep the body is paralyzed by a mechanism in the brain in order to prevent the movements which occur in the dream from causing the physical body to move. However, it is possible for this mechanism to be triggered before, during, or after normal sleep while the brain awakens.
11. Dream Incorporation
Our mind interprets the external stimuli that our senses are bombarded with when we are asleep and make them a part of our dreams. This means that sometimes, in our dreams, we hear a sound from reality and incorporate it in a way. For example you may be dreaming that you are in a concert, while your brother is playing a guitar during your sleep.12. Men and Women Dream Differently
Men tend to dream more about other men. Around 70% of the characters in a man’s dream are other men. On the other hand, a woman’s dream contains almost an equal number of men and women. Aside from that, men generally have more aggressive emotions in their dreams than the female lot.13. Precognitive Dreams
Results of several surveys across large population sets indicate that between 18% and 38% of people have experienced at least one precognitive dream and 70% have experienced déjà vu. The percentage of persons that believe precognitive dreaming is possible is even higher, ranging from 63% to 98%.*Precognition, also called future sight, refers to perception that involves the acquisition of future information that cannot be deduced from presently available and normally acquired sense-based information.
14. If you are snoring, then you cannot be dreaming.
This fact is repeated all over the Internet, but I’m a bit suspicious whether it’s really true as I haven’t found any scientific evidence to support it.15.You can experience an orgasm in your dream
You can not only have s e x as pleasurable as in your real life while dreaming, but also experience an o r g a s m as strong as a real one, without any wet results. The sensations felt while lucid dreaming (touch, pleasure and etc..) can be as pleasurable and strong (or I believe even stronger) as the sensations experienced in the real world.
