Jokes

Those pesky unions and their rules

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A dedicated union steel worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, “Is this a union house?”

No,” she replied, “I´m sorry it isn’t.”

“Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”

“The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,” she answered.

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.

His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, “Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules.”

The man asked, “And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”

“The girls get $80 and the house gets $20.”

“That´s more like it!” the union man said. He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. I´d like her,” he said.

“I´m sure you would, sir,” said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 72-year old woman in the corner, “but Ethel here has 53 years seniority and she´s next.”

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The Adventures of Earl and Peggy

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Every year they’d attend the county fair and every year Earl would look at Peggy and say, “Look at those planes! I’d love to ride one of those planes..”

And every year Peggy would reply, “Yeah, but it costs $10, and $10 is $10!”

Finally, the year came for Earl’s 75th birthday. They go to the fair and again, Earl exclaims “Look at those planes! I’d love to ride one of those planes..”

To which Peggy again replied, Yeah, but $10 is $10.”

The pilot overheard the exchange and chimed in, “Listen, I’ll give you both a ride, and if you don’t say a word or scream during the entire ride, the ride is free. But if you do, you will owe me $20 for the ride.”

Earl got so excited about his opportunity and both he and Peggy hopped on the plane. The pilot pulled out all the tricks. Barrel roles, loops, corkscrews, everything he could to get some kind of noise, but they were quiet the whole ride.

Finally, they landed and the pilot said, “I can’t believe you two didn’t make a sound!”

Earl said to the pilot, “I was going to say something when Peggy fell out, but $10 is $10.”

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In a matter of speaking

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I called an old school friend and

asked what was he doing. He replied

that he is working on “Aqua-thermal

treatment of ceramics, aluminum and

steel under a constrained environment.”

I was impressed.

On further inquiring, I learned that

he was washing dishes with hot

water under his wife’s supervision

Thanks, Steve!

One for my multi-lingual readers

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A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

“Quiero calcetines,” said the man.

“I don’t speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here,” said the salesgirl.

“No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines,” said the man.

“Well, these shirts are on sale this week,” declared the salesgirl.

“No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines,” repeated the man.

“I still don’t know what you’re trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack,” offered the salesgirl.

“No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines,” insisted the man.

“These sweaters are top quality,” the salesgirl probed.

“No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines,” said the man.

“Our undershirts are over here,” fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.

“No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines,” the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, “Eso sí que es!”

“Why didn’t you just spell it in the first place?!” yelled the salesgirl.

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The Fateful class reunion

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He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years, having been high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.

This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower, and the widow made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high, with the widower throwing admiring glances across the table and the widow smiling coyly back at him.

Finally, during one dance, he picked up the courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?”

After about 6 seconds of careful consideration, she answered, “Yes, yes I will!”

Needless to say, the evening ended on a happy note for the widower. However, the next morning he was troubled. Did she say “Yes” or did she say `No`? He couldn’t remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over-and-over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him could not recall her response.

With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he couldn’t remember as well as he used to Then he reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say “Yes” or did you say “No”?

“Why, you silly man,” she replied, I said Yes. Yes, I will! And I meant it with all my heart!”

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued. “And I’m so glad you called. I couldn’t remember who asked me”.

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