Jokes

Solidarity exercise in labor pains

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A couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the baby’s father. He asked if they were willing to try it out.

Both said they were very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home they found the UPS man dead on the porch.

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Those pesky unions and their rules

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A dedicated union steel worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, “Is this a union house?”

No,” she replied, “I´m sorry it isn’t.”

“Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”

“The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,” she answered.

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.

His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, “Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules.”

The man asked, “And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”

“The girls get $80 and the house gets $20.”

“That´s more like it!” the union man said. He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. I´d like her,” he said.

“I´m sure you would, sir,” said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 72-year old woman in the corner, “but Ethel here has 53 years seniority and she´s next.”

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The Adventures of Earl and Peggy

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Every year they’d attend the county fair and every year Earl would look at Peggy and say, “Look at those planes! I’d love to ride one of those planes..”

And every year Peggy would reply, “Yeah, but it costs $10, and $10 is $10!”

Finally, the year came for Earl’s 75th birthday. They go to the fair and again, Earl exclaims “Look at those planes! I’d love to ride one of those planes..”

To which Peggy again replied, Yeah, but $10 is $10.”

The pilot overheard the exchange and chimed in, “Listen, I’ll give you both a ride, and if you don’t say a word or scream during the entire ride, the ride is free. But if you do, you will owe me $20 for the ride.”

Earl got so excited about his opportunity and both he and Peggy hopped on the plane. The pilot pulled out all the tricks. Barrel roles, loops, corkscrews, everything he could to get some kind of noise, but they were quiet the whole ride.

Finally, they landed and the pilot said, “I can’t believe you two didn’t make a sound!”

Earl said to the pilot, “I was going to say something when Peggy fell out, but $10 is $10.”

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