~ A businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat up the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant: “What is your name?”
Flight Attendant: “Angela Benz, sir”
Businessman: “Lovely name …any relation to Mercedes Benz?”
Flight Attendant: “Yes sir, very close”
Businessman: “How close?”
Flight Attendant: “Same price”.
~ I was singing “Lady Marmalade” to myself at Starbucks and accidentally placed an order
~ Bologna is just Hot Dog Pancake
~ Religions of the world:
Taoism: Shit happens
Hinduism: This Shit happened before
Buddhism: When Shit happens, is it really shit?
Protestantism: Shit won’t happen if I work harder
Catholicism: Shit happens; I deserve it
Jehovah’s Witness: Knock Knock, “Shit Happens”
Judaism: Why does Shit always happen to me?
Atheism: No Shit
TV Evangelist: Send More Shit
Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this Shit
~ Just because you eat the burger, doesn’t mean you want to meet the cow
~ Macanudo…Jamaican for cigar. Cigar…Jamaican for “another place to put weed.”
~ if you sing James Brown songs, dogs will not attack you