the Dead Penguin society chronicles

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Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”

“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”

Then, they kick him in the ice hole.

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Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy

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I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, “Stop! Don’t do it!”.

“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.

I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!”

“Like what?”

“Well, are you religious or atheist?”

“Religious.”

“Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?”

“Christian.”

“Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

“Protestant.”

“Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist?”

“Baptist!”

“Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”

“Baptist Church of God!”

“Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?”

“Reformed Baptist Church of God!”

“Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?”

“Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!”

I said, “Die, heretic scum!” and pushed him off.

Two things bring this joke to mind. First, and most often, it so wonderfully illustrates the reasoning behind my derision at sub-sub-sub-sub-sects of religions. Second, and more relevant recently, it is a close analogy to the situation where I find someone who agrees with me on 99.99% of matters with regard to [safer sex, consent, religion, politics, etc] but the 0.01% that we disagree on drive a bigger wedge between us than almost any other disagreement might.

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