Religion

Finkelstein & Jesus

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Jesus was  wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe.  After looking around for a while, He saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor.  So, He went in and made the necessary
arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him.  A few  days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on — and it was a perfect fit!

He asked how much He owed. Finkelstein brushed him off:  ‘No , no, no, for the Son of God there’s no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor. Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could  just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the  Tailor?’

Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the  virtues of his Finkelstein robe whenever He spoke to the masses.

A  few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem , He happened to walk past Finkelstein’s shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein’s robes.

He pushed his way through the crowd  to speak to him and as soon as Finkelstein spotted him he said: ‘Jesus, Jesus, look what you’ve done for my business!  Would you consider a  partnership?’

‘Certainly,’ replied Jesus.  ‘Jesus &  Finkelstein it is.’

‘Oh, no, no,’ said Finkelstein.   ‘Finkelstein & Jesus. After all, I am the craftsman.’  The two of  them debated this for some time.

Their  discussion was long and spirited, but ultimately fruitful — and they  finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise.  A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein’s  shop:

Lord and taylor

Thanks Gene

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‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned…

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‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl’.

The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Joey Pagano?’

‘Yes, Father, it is.’

‘And who was the girl you were with?’

”I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation’

‘Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.  Was it Tina Minetti?’

 ‘I cannot say.’

 ‘Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?’

 ‘I’ll never tell.’

‘Was it Nina Capelli?’

‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.’

‘Was it Cathy Piriano?’

‘My lips are sealed.’

 ‘Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?’

‘Please, Father, I cannot tell you.’
  
The priest sighs in frust ration. ‘You’re very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.  Now you go and behave yourself.’
  
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, ‘What’d you get?’
     
‘Four months vacation and five good leads.

Thanks Little Joey P

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Acts 2:38

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An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder.  She caught the burglar robbing her home of its valuables and she yelled, ‘STOP! Acts 2:38!  (‘Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.’). 

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.  As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, ‘Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a Scripture to you.’

‘Scripture?’ replied the burglar. ‘She said she had an Ax and Two 38’s!’

Thanks Gene

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Two Catholic boys…

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There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy

 Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.

 Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a cut above Timothy Murphy in all respects.

 Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the Next Pope.

 In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.

 The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!

 Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because even with all of Timothy’s gifts, Antonio knew he was the better qualified.

 With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, “Why Timothy?”

 After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and rose to reply. “We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called POPE SECOLA.

Thanks Gene

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Cheesus ?

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Another wacko story from St. Louis…. (High Ridge is a suburb of St. Louis)

CheesesWoman finds Jesus in a bag of Cheetos

A High Ridge, Mo., woman says she has found Jesus in a bag of Cheetos Kelly Ramey says, “I think I found Jesus on a Cheeto as funny as that sounds.”

She bought a bag of a local convenience store, and inside the bag she felt something unusual.

“I looked at that and I thought, ‘Oh my that looks like Jesus on the cross.’ It was just like wow,” she says.

Family and friends agree with her.  Her daughter says, “I thought it was pretty cool.”  But Kelly Ramey’s friend, Sue Edelman, sees something different. “I looked again and I thought a horse head.”

Kelly says her husband has a special name for it. “He calls him Cheesus.”

The pastor of Kirkwood United Methodist Church does not see anything theologically special about the Cheeto, but thinks some good could come from it. Pastor David Bennett says, “If people can find Jesus, somehow, in each of us like she’s found in this object, that would be a wonderful thing.” 

Kelly doesn’t plan to sell the Cheeto and will keep it in a safe deposit box.

The story and video from Fox 2 St. Louis

Here’s a video from MSNBC….

 

via

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