…or add your own.
5. “Wow!! I could’a had a V8!!”
Thanks Ronnie
10. Harsh midwest weather was murder on his split ends
9. Wants to devote more time to rap persona P. MItty
8. Polls show public doesn’t want a president who looks like a casino greeter
7. Just couldn’t compete with the Ron Paul juggernaut
6. Unveiling a new line of honey-roasted Romnuts
5. That bastard Zogby had it in for him
4. Apparently America is not ready for a white male president
3. No number 3 — writer suffering from Mitt withdrawal
2. There was that little problem of nobody voting for him
1. Lost all of his money betting on the Patriots
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’
The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I canno t accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’
The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen different books, such as ‘How to Improve Your Business’ and ‘Becoming More Successful.’
Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’
The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.
Thanks Ronnie
When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, ‘I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it’
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box was 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents. That evening, they were out for a special Anniversary dinner.
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, ‘I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?’
Bill thought for a while and said, ‘I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.’
Hillary was shocked, but said, ‘Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem.’
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace.
A little while later Hillary asked Bill, ‘So why do you have all that money in the box?’
Bill answered: ‘Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash.’
Thanks Joe P
