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Obama
Olympic committee takes back Lindsey Vonn’s gold medal
The International Olympic Committee announced today that it has taken back the gold medal previously awarded to American skier Lindsey Vonn and given it to U.S. President Barack Obama.
Olympic officials said Obama deserved the medal more than Vonn because no one has ever gone downhill faster than he has.
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The riddle
Barack Obama met with the Queen of England. He asked her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?”
“Well,” said the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”
Obama frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”
The Queen took a sip of tea. “Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.” The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. “Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?”
Tony Blair walked into the room and said, “Yes, my Queen?”
The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please, Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, “That would be me.”
“Yes! Very good,” said the Queen.
Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice presidential choice the same question. “Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
“I’m not sure,” said Biden. “Let me get back to you on that one.” He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, he ended up in the men’s room and recognized Colin Powell’s shoes in the next stall.
Biden asked Powell, “Colin, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Colin Powell yelled back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”
Biden smiled, and said, “Thanks!”
Then, he went back to speak with Obama. “Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It is Colin Powell!”
Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face,
“No! you idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”
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Sitting together on a train…
Sitting together on a train was Obama, George W. Bush, a little old lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks.
The old lady thinks:
Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped him.
The blonde girl thinks:
Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped him.
Obama thinks:
Bush must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
George Bush thinks:
I can’t wait for another tunnel, so I can smack Obama again.
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