Education
School counselor
The new elementary school counselor was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
She approached and asked if the girl was all right. The girl said she was fine.
A little while later, however, the counselor noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, she offered,
“Would you like me to be your friend?”
The girl hesitated, then said, “Okay,” looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, the counselor then asked, “Why are you standing here all alone?”
The little girl heaved a sigh of great exasperation and said, “Because . . . I’m the goalie!”
Multiply by 11
Having trouble memorizing the 11 times tables?? Here is a really easy trick that will help you master about all the 11s tables up to 50! First you take any number multiplied by 11 such as 26. Take both the 2 and the 6 and add them together…and you get 8. Then put the number 8 in-between the 2 and the 6 and you have 286. Try another number such as 45. You know the drill, 4+5=9. 495 is the answer. This can help you out a very lot when you are multiplying big numbers by 11. The only part it becomes tricky is when the numbers that add up are over 9. Then you have to carry over and find out the answer.
Funny metaphores
Just in case you need some writing inspiration. Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are a few of last year’s winners:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
Geography test answers
Climate is caused by the emotion of the earth around the sun.
The chief animals of Australia are the kangaroo, larkspur, boomerang, and peccadillo.
Don Juan is a town in the West Indies.
In Athens there is a temple called the Pancreas.
The writing of ancient Egypt was called hydraulics.
The Greeks wore scandals on their feet.
The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
Oceania is a continent that contains no land.
The climate of Bombay is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
The sun never sets on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the east and the sun sets in the west.
People go to Africa to hunt rhinostriches.
The inhabitants of Moscow are Mosquitoes.
Persia’s chief industry is raising cats, hence the word purr.
The Mediterranean and the Red Seas are connected by the Sewage Canal.