Computers

New computer

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I bought a new computer. After it was set up I pushed the button to turn it on and nothing happened. I pushed the button again, and a panel on the front opened and a little man stepped out. He was wearing a straw hat and overalls and carrying a chicken under one arm.

 “What do you want?” he asked.

Startled, I replied, “Who are you?”

“I’m the farmer in the Dell,” he said.

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E-mail warning

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  If  you receive an  email entitled ‘Bedtimes’ …. Delete it IMMEDIATELY.  Do not open it.

Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It  will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.  It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD’s you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial  to call only 900 numbers.

Other things this virus will do:

  • This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
  •  IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.  
  • It  will drink ALL your beer.
      FOR  GOD’S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING? ? 
  •  It will leave dirty underwear on  the coffee table when you are expecting company.
  • It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.
  • If the ‘Bedtimes’  message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full  bathtub.
  • It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. 

 ***WARN  AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. *** 
 
And if you don’t send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you’ll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.
 
  Send this warning to everyone!
 
  THERE’S  A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD!
 
  Right now, as you read this, 17  Million people are having SEX!!!
 
  And look at you – you’re on the computer.

Thanks Joe P

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