An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. “What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out: “Oh my God!…” Time stopped.
The bear froze. The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: “You deny My existence for all of these years, teach others I don’t exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect Me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”
The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?”
“Very well,” said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:
“Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord Amen.”
Odd, you never hear of someone who is an atheist flying a plane into a building in the name of nothing.
hmmm thats true Mike
Uh, Jon, one more time, with feeling.
Atheist. Not Athiest. Usually it is “I before “e” but in this case you’re dealing with the word “theist” adding an “A” to the beginning of it to denote the lack of therein of being a theist.
For reasons I cannot explain it’s the most underspelled word I can think of, and even I do it.
Thanks Mike. I think I’m always going to have a problem with that one. I’ll try to do better.
As an atheist I can safely say that my answer to the question would have been:
“yes, now that you have finally stopped cocking around with milk-weeping statues, two-headed cows and faces in toast and have shown positive proof of your existence, you may indeed count me as a believer.
Now get this fucking bear off me, O smiting one.”
God sounds awful insecure for an all knowing, omnipotent being in your, er, parable.
Maffu, Sounds pretty logical to me.
I have a good story.
A Christian is cornered against a rock by a bear. He prays to god to save him. No god appears, speaks, or anything. Then the bear eats him alive.
Hahahaha. Nener Nener.
Or, the Christian is saved, because a park ranger sees this happening, and tranquilizes the bear. Instead of thanking the park ranger, the Christian uses this as evidence that his prayer was answered. Why? Because he is delusional, or perhaps an idiot.