Jeff Gordon Fires His Entire Pit Crew

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Jeff gordonNASCAR driver Jeff Gordon has announced he has taken advantage of a new “Stimulus Package” program to employ inner-city youth by firing his professional pit crew, and replacing them with ex-gangbangers.

The decision to hire the boys was inspired by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from street gangs were able to remove a set of wheels from a car in less than 6 seconds — even without proper equipment. Gordon’s existing pit crew could only do it in 8 seconds, even with the benefit of hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of high tech machinery.

The scheme was hailed as an “excellent and bold move” by Gordon’s management team, as most races are won or lost in the pits.
At the crew’s first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had changed the paint scheme, altered the VIN number, and sold the car to Dale Earnhardt Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and photos of Jeff Gordon’s wife in the shower.

Thanks DJ

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18 thoughts on “Jeff Gordon Fires His Entire Pit Crew”

  3. Where’s the NAASCARP folks (The National Association for the Advancement of Stock Car Auto Racing People) calling this joke car race-ist?

    Reply

  5. That’s hilarious! And for those who say ‘racist’ (DJ, I know you must be joking here): race isn’t even mentioned. It just says gangbangers. Perhaps one thinks whitey can’t gangbang?

    Reply

  6. I was LOLing. Scott was joking.
    You see, ‘race’ doesn’t always refer to skin color.
    It can also mean cars driving around fast in circles.
    See, it was a “joke” about a joke.
    Oh boy. Long way to go…

    Reply

  12. crispy – You’re losing your edge…you’re usually quicker than that. Cmon man, don’t be so…sober!
    Next time I’m in crispy-land, I’ll buy you a couple cold ones and we’ll get ya right back in shape.

    Reply

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