Other Things That Are (Almost) Impossible To Do With Your Body
Month: March 2008
Kentucky math
The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, “You graduated from The University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”
You gotta love those Kentucky women.
Woman stuck on toilet for two years
Deputies say a woman in western Kansas became stuck on her boyfriend’s toilet after sitting on it for two years.
Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman’s skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.
“We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital,” Whipple said. “The hospital removed it.”
Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman’s 36-year-old boyfriend.
“She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body,” Whipple said. “It is hard to imagine. … I still have a hard time imagining it myself.”
He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.
“And her reply would be, `Maybe tomorrow,”‘ Whipple said. “According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom.”
The boyfriend called police on February 27 to report that “there was something wrong with his girlfriend,” Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.
Thanks Scott
Prince Charles
Prince Charles decided to take up jogging.
Every day, he’d jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.
He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
“One hundred and fifty pounds!” she’d shout from the curb.
“No! Five pounds!” He would fire back, just to shut her up.
This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.
He’d run by and she’d yell, “One hundred and Fifty pounds!”
He’d yell back, “Five pounds!”
One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her ‘husband’ on his jog.
As the jogging couple neared the working woman’s street corner,
Prince Charles realised she’d bark her £150 offer
And Camilla would wonder what he’d really been doing on all his past outings.
He figured he’d better have a good explanation for his Wife.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner,
He became even more apprehensive than usual.
Sure enough, there was the hooker. He tried to avoid the prostitute’s eyes as she watched the pair jog past.
Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled:
“See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?!”
Alzheimers test
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University …
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down…
