Month: March 2008

Call girl

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A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought of one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you’re calling for a cab. He popped into a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.
She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, and long graceful legs all the way up to her….. You know the kind.  So he is back in the room and figures, what the hell, give her a call.
“Hello?” the woman says. Man she sounded sexy.
“Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I’d like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I’m talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we’ll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you’ve got in your bag of tricks.
We’ll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?”
She says, “That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9.”

Thanks Joe P

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What is Politics?

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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ‘What is Politics?’

Dad says, ‘Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we ca ll her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say’s to his father, ‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.’

The father says, ‘Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.’

The little boy replies, ‘The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is deep in crap.

Thanks June

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Job opening at the FBI

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The FBI had an opening for an assassin.   After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there  were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

 For the final test, the FBI  agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.   “We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the  circumstances.  Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair .  Kill her!!”  The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could  never shoot my wife.”  The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man  for this job.  Take your wife and go home.”

 The second man was given  the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet  for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, “I tried,  but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent said,  “You don’t have what it  takes. Take your wife home.”

 Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She  was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and  went into the room.  Shots were heard, one after another. They heard  screaming, crashing, banging on the  walls.  After a few minutes, all was  quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat  from her brow.  “This gun is loaded with blanks” she said. “I had to beat him  to death with the chair.”

 MORAL:  Women are crazy. Don’t mess  with them.

Thanks June

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