I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that’s to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn’t know if someone was stuttering. ‘Yes, hello I’d like some b-batteries.’ ‘What kind?’ ‘B-batteries.’ ‘What kind?’ ‘B-batteries!’ and D-batteries that’s hard for foreigners. ‘Yes, I would like de batteries.’
About a month ago I got a cactus. A week later, it died. I was really depressed because I was like ‘Damn! I am less nurturing than a desert.’
One of my friends has a stutter and a lot of people think that’s a bad thing, but to me that’s just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That’s not an impediment, that’s suspense! What’s he going to say? Car?… or Carnival?… Carburetor? Man…
Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I’m swimming, sometimes I’m not sure which one it is. I gotta go by the outfit. Pants – uh oh. Bathing suit – okay. Naked – we’ll see. Should I be swimming faster, or am I getting laid?
I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone.’
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
I like clothes, you know. I dig fabrics. One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you’re in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you’re not it does just the opposite. It’s like, ‘Hey, there’s an asshole.’ But when you’re in the woods you’re like, ‘Is there an asshole out here?’ They look like trees.
‘Sort of’ is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It’s just a filler. Sort of – it doesn’t really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after ‘I love you’ or ‘You’re going to live’ or ‘It’s a boy.’
I remember studying electronics back in the 60’s any DC source was referred to as the ‘B’ battery.
http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1004854
A type of battery used in older vacuum tube-based radios to provide power for the tube plates and screens, in situations where alternating current (AC) power was either unavailable or undesirable. Its use gave rise to the term “B+”, to denote the plate and screen voltage in a radio receiver.
B batteries were available in standard voltage ratings of 22½, 45, 90, or 135 volts. The battery itself was made up of a number of 1.5-volt cells (smaller versions of the usual “flashlight” battery), housed in a container, to produce the required voltage: 15 for the 22½ -volt battery, 30 for the 45-volt, 60 for the 90-volt, and 90 for the 135-volt. In typical receiver service, the life of a B battery was dependent on many factors: efficiency of the tube types used in the receiver, hours of usage by the consumer, and the quality of the battery itself. Even so, battery life was generally measured in months and the radio listener could, with care, expect reasonable service from the receiver.
Until the advent of AC-powered radios in the late 1920s, almost every receiving set obtainable required battery power. After AC sets became commonplace, battery power was relegated to use in farm radios designed for areas without AC service, and in portable radios. Starting in the 1950s, the B battery disappeared from use with the coming of transistor radios that required neither plate nor filament voltages. Higher-voltage batteries are still available today, but are used mainly in photographic and alarm-system applications.
Yup! When I was a kid in the 60s and 70s I remember scouring through the old electronics how-to books – just after the days of tubes as transistors started to take over everything.
All the tube circuits had ‘B’ batteries powering them.
Demetri Martin’s B-battery bit was funnier than you guys. Sorry.
Demetri is the man. Saw him live in central park over the summer.