No such thing as free advice

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A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”

“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

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Depressed and at the bar

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There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

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Playdog

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Playdog

I started with a design from Photo 505, uploaded my photo and edited and edited and edited.  It would have been much faster to just create it from scratch.  Needless, if you don’t want to get too fancy, you can do quite a bit by uploading your photo and putting it into many different scenarios.

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10 craziest baseball rules

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PitcherHere are just a few:

Pitchers Could Cover Balls With Just About Anything
Before 1920, pitchers could cover the ball with spit, Vaseline, road kill, Nickelodeon slime or whatever the hell else they wanted.  It apparently worked.  That Babe Ruth guy didn’t start hitting a billion home runs a year until they outlawed it.  We don’t actually know for a fact they used road kill, but that whole ‘Dead Ball Era’ thing would make more sense if they did.

Pitchers Threw Underhand
That should blow your mind.  Major League Baseball officially started in 1876, but it wasn’t until 1883 that pitchers were allowed to throw overhand.  The initial rules of baseball stated that pitchers had to throw the ball as if they were pitching a horseshoe.  So these old batters got to call for their pitch and get it thrown to them underhand.  They couldn’t step towards the plate.  No wonder the pitchers covered the balls in battery acid and pig manure.

Catchers Had Zero Protection
CatcherSee that old timey idiot in the picture below?  It’s not his fault.  Chest protectors weren’t introduced into baseball until 1885.  It wasn’t until six years after that when catchers got to wear padded mitts.  These poor bastards just had to stand there in a dumb stance and wait to get their goddamn faces blown off with a foul tip.  But, then again, you’ll see from #1 that these guys weren’t really facing ‘the heat’ from pitchers until 1883.  It’s just amazing it took the rules committee two years to realize that catching was a fairly dangerous job.

10 craziest baseball rules

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The game of golf

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Golf signGolf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up.
You swing left and the ball goes right.
The lowest score wins.
And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip: Your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

The term ‘mulligan’ is really a contraction of the phrase ‘maul it again.’

A ‘gimme’ can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers …neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

Golf’s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the ‘gimme putt’, you might wish to reconsider this game.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work, and both are expensive.

The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.

The difference between put and putt: Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.

Thanks Gene

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Introducing Crane – The first paper-based image editor

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Crane01

Aviary is proud to announce that it has launched its newest product, Crane, the web’s first paper-based image editor.

Crane is Aviary’s first venture into the newly discovered concept of non-web based applications. The system will work from anywhere and, amazingly, does not require an internet connection.

How Crane works

We’ve taken on the arduous task of back engineering familiar tools from image editors such as Phoenix and Photoshop, and creating tangible versions of these functions in Crane.

We’ve remarkably been successful in recreating most the tools in Crane as you are familiar with in your favorite digital drawing software.

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And the system is so simple, you should have no problem picking it up in no time.

Crane03For example, to draw in Crane, simply place the Pencil Tool between your index finger and thumb (located on your dominant hand). Press the tip of the Pencil Tool down onto your canvas and using controlled strokes, you will be able to simulate the act of digital drawing on your canvas. The Pencil Tool is entirely pressure sensitive meaning the harder you press down on the Pencil, the darker your strokes will appear on the paper, just as if you were using a real Wacom drawing tablet.

Find out more about this exciting new system.

Aviary is a pretty nifty online image editor.

Thanks LH

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