Thanks, Steve!
Friday Firesmith – From Russia with love
Back a few years ago, one of my sister’s friends paid a woman from Russia to move to South Georgia and marry him. He knew what he was getting into, but the woman was drop dead gorgeous. Six feet tall, natural blonde hair, well built, and perfectly willing to give the man what he paid for, she stayed until she got her green card then away she went. The guy said it was the best six months of his life. He’s still living in a single wide trailer behind his parents’ house.She’s running an Only Fans site at fifty bucks per month.
There for years I would get messages from very pretty, and very young, Russian women looking for an American husband. Having a small bank account and an even smaller set of social skills, none of these blue eyed beauties ever gained much ground with me. The older I got the less I was interested in blowing my life’s savings to rent a wife until the paperwork cleared.
Then suddenly, AI appeared on the scene.
Now, I’m getting well crafted messages from women who are perfect in every possible way. Articulate and graceful, they are clearly not from Russia ( or any other country for that matter) and they seem to be totally immersed in all the things I like.
One really strange thing about AI women is their distance between their belly buttons and their nether regions seems to be disproportional. Their arms seem to be too long sometimes, too. Their faces are perfect. Perfectly perfect in such a way that the uncanny valley effect kicks in.
When they ask, “How are you today?” I usually respond with, “A shark bit my leg off.”
There is a pause, and they say, “I hope you are well.”
The mail order brides that were once so common are still there, to be sure. But the thing now seems to be getting a guy talking to a computer with good visuals, and luring him into a sexual relationship that can only be described as handy. And it is working. “Build your own girlfriend” sites allow you to adjust the woman you want to any specifications. Some allow you to upload a photo so you can get your ex back. I don’t even want to speculate on that one.
I did connect with a woman from Russia, and she was blonde, blue eyed, and she was looking for a way out of that country. But she realized I wasn’t going to marry her, so we had a years long conversation about life here versus life there.
She told me she went out to eastern Russia, where a cave existed with petroglyphs carved into the stone. As she took photos and made sketches of the markings, a bear walked out of the woods and watched her. She knew better than to run, so she kept working and eventually the bear walked away.
Honestly, listening to her talk about that drew me in closer than anything else she ever did.
Take Care,
Mike
Politics, as explained in a past facebook post
Democrat:
You have two cows.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
Republican:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
Socialist:
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow
Communist:
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
Capitalism, American Style:
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
Bureaucracy, American Style:
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
American Corporation:
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
French Corporation:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
Japanese Corporation:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
German Corporation:
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
Italian Corporation:
You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
Russian Corporation:
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
Taliban Corporation:
You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
Iraqi Corporation:
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
Polish Corporation:
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
Belgian Corporation:
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish.
The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.
Florida Corporation:
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
California Corporation (2003-2011) :
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.