• You should know that Chinese restaurants probably don’t have bowls of butterscotch pudding for your kids on the buffet, that is HOT mustard.
• If you open the patio door to check out what sounds like freezing rain on the glass, make sure that it isn’t really the sound of a skunk licking out a tin can in the bag of trash just outside the door.
• If your six year old son asks his dad why the puppy has to go to the doctor, just know that the answer “To get his nuts chopped off” WILL be repeated to his teacher.
• When you have a presentation early in the morning, make sure nobody has changed the background of your computer overnight to a statement declaring your undying love of dongs before you turn on the projector.
• Never smell a pair of underwear one of your kids left on the floor to find out if they are clean or dirty.
• The web address for Dick’s Sporting Goods IS NOT dicks.com
• A fuzzy blanket and a cat may feel very similar when in a dark room. Blankets however, does not have sharp claws.
• When holding your hamster above your head to check the sex, be sure to keep your mouth firmly shut. Hamster poo pellets are fast and hamsters have surprisingly good aim.

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