Questions

by

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float?

The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish breath underwater?”

Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?”

Again, the father replied. “Don’t rightly know son.” Finally, the boy asked his father, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?”

The father replied, “Of course not, you don’t ask questions, you never learn nothin’.”

via

0

How To Save the Government $5 Million!

by

 A president’s pension currently is $191,300 per year, lasting until he is 80 years old.

Assuming the next president lives to age 80:

1)    Sen. McCain would receive ZERO pension, as he would reach 80 at the end of two terms as president.

2)    Sen. Obama would be retired for 26 years after two terms, so would receive $4,973,800 in pension. 

 Therefore, it would certainly make economic sense to elect McCain in November. 

Now, how’s that for non-partisan thinking???

Thanks Gene

0

E-mail warning

by

  If  you receive an  email entitled ‘Bedtimes’ …. Delete it IMMEDIATELY.  Do not open it.

Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It  will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.  It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD’s you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial  to call only 900 numbers.

Other things this virus will do:

  • This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
  •  IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.  
  • It  will drink ALL your beer.
      FOR  GOD’S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING? ? 
  •  It will leave dirty underwear on  the coffee table when you are expecting company.
  • It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.
  • If the ‘Bedtimes’  message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full  bathtub.
  • It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. 

 ***WARN  AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. *** 
 
And if you don’t send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you’ll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.
 
  Send this warning to everyone!
 
  THERE’S  A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD!
 
  Right now, as you read this, 17  Million people are having SEX!!!
 
  And look at you – you’re on the computer.

Thanks Joe P

0

Redundancy

by

 Redundancy is the unnecessary use of either needless, tautological, pleonastic or superfluous text, by which one repeats, in duplication, the same, identical, aforesaid things over and over and over and over again, beyond what would be needed or required to explain, or make comprehensible, the intended or signified meaning of that which one wishes to convey. These things can be referred to as being Redundant. Customarily, it is usually common in redundancy to repeat, sometimes with different phrasing or words, the same idea or reasoning, thus restating one’s thoughts, sometimes paraphrasing oneself and effectively saying the same thing twice, or double, or thrice (three times; triply so), or any number of excessive, unnecessary restatements greater than zero.

Here are a few redundant phrases:Pizza hut sign

  • ABS system
  • AC current
  • ATM Machine
  • absolutewly nothing
  • ask the question
  • advance planning
  • advance warning
  • armed gunman
  • added bonus
  • and also
  • arrived at the conclusion
  • assembled together
  • attach together
  • 12 noon
  • 12 midnight
  • autobiography of my life
  • big giant
  • big in size
  • brief in duration
  • cash money
  • climb up
  • close proximity
  • cold temperature
  • collaborate together
  • complete oppositeRedundant elevator
  • component parts
  • consensus of opinion
  • continue to remain
  • current status
  • doctorate degree
  • DOS operatinog system (Disk Operating System)
  • DVD disk (Digital Versatile Disk)
  • each and every
  • estimated ETA (Estimated Time of Arrival)
  • estimated roughly at
  • end result
  • exact same
  • fellow colleague
  • few in number
  • filled to capacity
  • former veteran
  • foreign imports
  • frozen ice
  • free gift
  • green in color
  • head of cabbage (cabbage means head)Redundant sign
  • HIV virus (Human Immunodeficiency Virus)
  • honest truth
  • hot water heater
  • IRA account (Individual Retirement Account)
  • join together
  • knowledgeable experts
  • LCD display (Liquid Crystal Display)
  • lower down
  • merged together
  • more and more
  • mutual agreement
  • my personal opinion
  • new breakthrough
  • new developement
  • original source
  • over and over
  • overexaggerate
  • pair of twins
  • passing fad
  • past experience
  • past history
  • personally, I think
  • PIN number (Personal Identification Number)
  • postpone until later
  • potentially hazardous
  • pre-recorded
  • protest against
  • raise up
  • RAM memory (Random Access Memory)
  • regular routine
  • repeat again
  • roast beef with au jus (au jus meand with juice)
  • Rio Grande River (Rio Grande means river)
  • Sahara Desert (Sahara is derived from the arabic word for desert)
  • same identicalDept of redundancy
  • square in shape
  • starve to death
  • still remains
  • surrounded on all sides
  • sum total
  • tall of stature
  • temporary loan
  • tied up
  • totally destroyed
  • tuna fish
  • unexpected surprise
  • unite together
  • unmarried bachelor
  • UPC code (Universal Product Code)
  • usual habit
  • very unique
  • VIN number (Vehicle Identification Number)
  • visible to the eye
  • weather outside
  • while at the same time
  • never at any time

“I simply hate, detest, loathe, despise, and abhor redundancy.”  — Oscar Wilde

0