News

Actual headlines

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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really?

 Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 
Now that’s taking  things a bit far!

  Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-sos!

 Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

 War Dims Hope for Peace 
I can see where it might have that effect!
  
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile   
Ya think?!

 Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures 
Who would have thought!

 Enfield (London) Couple Slain; PoliceSuspect Homicide 
They may be on to something!

 Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges 
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?!  

 Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge 
He probably IS the battery charge

 New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 
Weren’t they fat enough?!

 Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 
Do they taste like chicken?

 Local High School Dropouts  Cut in Half 
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

 Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors 
Boy, are they tall!

 Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead 
Did I read that right?

Thanks Fabian

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Fast braking news…

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This just in…. Two news vans arrived at the same local drag strip in El Paso, Texas at the same time to cover a death at the strip due to legal drag racing, and then proceeded to do the obvious thing:

Race their fully loaded news vans against each other.

via

 

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Atlanta tornado

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Pretty amazing picture of downtown Atlanta the other day.  Look to the far left of the pic and you can see the actual tornado.

Tornado

Thanks Gene

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Woman stuck on toilet for two years

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Woman_35_lgDeputies say a woman in western Kansas became stuck on her boyfriend’s toilet after sitting on it for two years.

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman’s skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

“We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital,” Whipple said. “The hospital removed it.”

Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman’s 36-year-old boyfriend.

“She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body,” Whipple said. “It is hard to imagine. … I still have a hard time imagining it myself.”

He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.

“And her reply would be, `Maybe tomorrow,”‘ Whipple said. “According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom.”

The boyfriend called police on February 27 to report that “there was something wrong with his girlfriend,” Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.

Read the rest of the article

Thanks Scott

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