My doctor just told me the primary difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu.
With Bird Flu you need a tweetment, and with Swine Flu you need an oinkment.
Thanks DJ
Medical
ERtards
Here are a few examples of dealing with the people that enter the Emergency Room:
I was at the nurses station about a month ago filling out papers when a lady and her husband come up to the counter. The man goes and sits and the lady asks the nurse quietly “Can I put DNR on here and not worry about coming back?” The nurse giggles and says sorry, no, at which the lady smiles and says “Oh c’mon, they let us do it at the animal hospital!”
A 93 year old drunk woman needed a CT of her head after a fall. After I explained the test to her, she decided that she didn’t need it and stripped out of her gown for good measure. For the next 10 minutes the nurse and I desperately tried to put her gown back on while she yelled and tried to climb out of the cart, jiggling all over the place. It was not a good jiggle.
Had a drunk who had been beaten bad brought in by EMS on a spine board. Doc cleared him off the board, so the case nurse got some of us to help her roll him off. She said ‘Hun, we’re gonna turn you over’ and he asked ‘To who?’
When asked for her medical allergies the other night, a patient told one of our nurses she was allergic to oxygen. Seriously.
Patient comes into ER for a vibrator stuck in his Ass. The ER physician can feel the vibrations coming through the man’s abdomen and cannot retrieve it so he consults a surgeon who comes in to see patient and takes him for surgery. Just prior to the surgery, The surgeon asks the patient “alright when I get in here do you want me to remove it or change the batteries!” fucking hilarious and I love this surgeon.
Tooth extraction
A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth extracted. The dentist takes out a syringe to give the man a shot. “No way! No needles! I hate needles,” the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects. “I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!”
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. “No objection,” the patient says. “I’m fine with pills.”
The dentist then returns and says, “Here’s a Viagra tablet.”
The patient says, “Wow – I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!”
“It doesn’t” said the dentist, “but it will give you something to hold onto when your tooth comes out.”
On cloud 9 – Babies born on 09/09/09
Baby born 9-9-09 has sibling born on 8-8-08
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. (AP) — At least it will be easy to remember their birthdays.
An Arkansas couple welcomed a new baby girl into their lives Wednesday — giving her the birthdate of 9-9-09. Andy and Alison Miller’s newest daughter Molly Reid will come home to sister Campbell, who was born on August 8, 2008, or 8-8-08.
The Millers don’t appear poised to go for a third child on 10-10-10.
Alison Miller tells Rogers, Ark., television station KHOG that she and her husband are going to take a rest.
Baby born on 09/09/09 at 9:09 AM weighing 9 lb 9 oz
A La Crosse couple welcomed their third child into the world on Thursday — with the number 9 as a common theme!
For one set of parents, 9 just might be their lucky number!
And you can be sure they’ll never forget the birth of their third child.
Little Henry Michael Berendes is just one day old.
Little does he know just how special his birth day — 09/09/09 — really was!
“He was born right about 9:09 a.m. and then when they put him on the scale after he was born he just happened to weigh 9 pounds 9 ounces which is just crazy because you can kind of plan the time, but not the weight of a newborn,” said mom, Polly.
Polly says doctors at Franciscan Skemp Medical Center in La Crosse planned a C-section at 9 a.m. on September 9th. But, she and her husband, Chuck, never expected things to turn out like they did.
“This is just unbelievable! The doctor and the nurses have just been joking and smiling about it. It’s just a crazy coincidence,” she smiled.
Polly says all she wanted was a healthy baby and adds she never expected her baby boy would get all this attention.
“I’ve had several people ask me if he is a lucky baby. I am not sure about it yet, but he is definitely a blessing so far.”
The Barendes’ already have a 2-year-old daughter and a 1-year-old son and are excited to face the challenges of having three kids.
“They’re great,” Polly said. “They were here already a couple times (Thursday) and (Wednesday) and they just love him already so it’s challenging but good. I think it makes our lives richer.”
But, Polly says this lucky little baby just might be her last. Although, “you never know,” she said. “Sometimes you think you’re in control but you not and all of a sudden a long comes a Henry and it’s just like I said a blessing and a true miracle.”
Polly says Chuck wants to try to have another baby on October 10th of 2010, but she says she’s not so sure!
10 bizarre job related illnesses
Here’s the least gross of them all:
Fiddler’s Neck
Likely when you think of a violinist you think of an orchestra, a bunch of people in tuxedos and how god awfully bored you’d be if you were sitting there watching a dude who likely has five cats playing violin for a couple of hours. Well, now you can add a new image to that picture in your mind: hideous growths.
The pressure of holding the violin against your neck leads to Fiddler’s Neck, a skin condition complete with scarring, cysts, and pustules. Play the violin long enough, and you can add hyperpigmentation and lichenification to the list.
So not only will you have a prolapsed anus growing out of your neck, but the skin will grow darker, bark-like and as thick as a lizard’s hide, only not as pretty. Part of the cause of Fiddler’s Neck has been attributed to poor hygiene, indicating what we always suspected; musicians are filthy.
Read the 10 bizarre job related illnesses