Lists

Why fishing is better than sex

by

– When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good. If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad.

– Fish don’t compare you to other fisherman, and neither do they want to know how many other fish you caught.

– In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the one you caught.

– You can catch and release a fish, and you don’t have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

– You don’t have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.

– You can catch a fish on a 20-cent nightcrawler. If you want to catch a woman, you’re talking dinner and a movie minimum.

– Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.

via

0

Strange proverbs

by

Fools rush in where fools have been before.

It’s called “take home” pay because you can’t afford to go anywhere else with it.

Success is relative — the greater the success, the more relatives.

If at first you succeed, try to hide your astonishment.

You must have learned from others’ mistakes. You haven’t had time to think all those up yourself.

People like criticism — just keep it positive and flattering.

It’s OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.

Worry kills more people than work because more people worry than work.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

When you’re getting kicked from behind, that means you’re in front.

Misers aren’t much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

The real reason you can’t take it with you is that it goes before you do.

Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

The world is full of willing people — some willing to work and some willing to let them.

Some people are like blisters. They don’t show up until the work is done.

A babysitter is a teen-ager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teen-agers.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

The one who snores will fall asleep first.

The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding.

Never get overly excited about a man or woman by just the way they look from behind.

The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with..

Thanks Kev & Sue

0

Top ten signs you’re an internet geek

by

10. When filling out your driver’s license application you give them your IP address.

9. You no longer ask prospective dates for their phone number, instead you ask for their myspace.

8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.

7. You’re amazed to find out spam is actually a food.

6. You “ping” people to see if they’re awake, “finger” them to find out how they are, and “AYT” them to make sure they’re listening to you.

5. You search the net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.

4. You introduce your wife as “[email protected]” and refer to your children as “client applications”.

3. At social functions you introduce your husband as “my domain server”.

2. You often say “LOL” and “LMAO” out loud.

And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:

1. You’ve actually reached the end of this list.

via

0

The 86 rules of drinking

by

Drinking1A few from the list:

The complete list

via

0

9 amazing yet simple home remedies

by
  1. If you’re choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. presto! the blockage will instantly remove itself.
  2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
  3. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
  4. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. remember to use a timer.
  5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
  6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. then you’ll be afraid to cough.
  7. You only need two tools in life – wd-40 and duct tape. if it doesn’t move and should, use the wd-40. if it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
  8. Remember – everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  9. If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.

Thanks Kev & Sue

0

Universal truths

by

Here are just a few:

  • One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
  • Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
  • You never know where to look when eating a banana.
  • You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
  • There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.
  • Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
  • You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

More

via

0

20 world geography facts that you might find surprising or interesting

by

From BootsnAll Travel Network

   1. Portland, Oregon, where it rarely snows, is about 130 miles further north than Toronto, and over 200 miles further north than Boston.
   2. On France’s southern Mediterranean coast, Cannes, the sunny summer playground of the rich, which is sometimes incorrectly called ‘tropical’, is about 10 miles further north than Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
   3.  Buenos Aires, Los Angeles, Cape Town, and Sydney are each thousands of miles apart and are known for having unusually pleasant year-round climates, and they are all almost identical distances from the Equator.
   4. San Francisco and Melbourne, Australia are both known for mild and fast-changing climates, and they are identical distances from the Equator.
   5. Estcourt Station with a population of 4 is in the northernmost tip of Maine, and it sounds like it’s probably snowed-in all winter, and yet London, England is still almost 300 miles further north.
   6. The 49th Parallel, which makes up the long and straight US/Canada border in the west, is about 120 miles north of Estcourt Station, Maine.
   7.  Glasgow is about 280 miles north of London. Keep going another 250 miles north for Stockholm, another 370 miles north to reach Reykjavik, and 413 miles north to reach Hammerfest, Norway, which is almost 5,000 miles north of the Equator.
   8. The entire country of England, with over 50 million residents, is a wee bit smaller than the state of Louisiana.
   9. If you combine England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland, then together they are a bit smaller than the deceivingly large state of Michigan.
  10. France is about 30% larger than the state of California.
  11. Crescent City, California is about 15 miles south of the Oregon border, but it’s about 10 miles further north than Newport, Rhode Island. In other words, you can still be in California and be further north than coastal Rhode Island.
  12. Madrid, with summers so blazing hot that most people take a long break from work every afternoon, is about 10 miles further north than Salt Lake City, Utah.
  13. About two-thirds of Africa is in the Northern Hemisphere.
  14. Rome, which is located in the center of Italy, is located at the exact same latitude as Chicago.
  15. Tehran, Iran, with its scorching summers, is located on the exact same latitude as relatively mild Tokyo, Japan.
  16. About 90% of the world’s population lives in the Northern Hemisphere.
  17. The incredibly remote island of Tahiti is slightly east of Anchorage, Alaska, which is slightly east of Hawaii. In other words, Hawaii is closer to the International Dateline than Tahiti.
  18. If you are trying to get a handle on the climate of India it helps to know its northern border is the same as the northern border of Mexico in Tijuana, and the southern border is about the same as the southern border of Panama.
  19. Sunny and just-barely-tropical Rio de Janeiro is about 25 miles further from the equator than Hong Kong.
  20. Scientists recently discovered that Florida and Hudson Bay in Canada are getting about 1 inch closer every 36 years. Pass the SPF-30, eh?

via

0

Top 10 signs you’re at a bad barbecue

by

Barbecue10. Everything on the grill has a long, thin tail.
9. To avoid burning, chicken breasts are covered in Coppertone.
8. The “cole slaw” is just mayonnaise and lawn trimmings.
7. The three-legged race is won by a three-legged guy.
6. Every couple minutes, the cook drops his pants and flips himself with the spatula.
5. Host tells you the burgers are 20% beef and 80% critter.
4. The steaks have been sitting in marinade sauce all night, and so has your Uncle Earl.
3. You have to sign a legal waiver before you eat the potato salad.
2. Things seem tense between your hosts, Frank and Kathie Lee.
1. The guests all have grill marks on their foreheads.

via

0

Things I’ve learned from movies

by

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.

2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.

5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note – just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.

11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

15. All single women have a cat.

16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings – especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

23. Dogs always know who’s bad and will naturally bark at them.

24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son’s eighth birthday.

27. Many musical instruments – especially wind instruments and accordions – can be played without moving the fingers.

28. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

29. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

30. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

31. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

via

0