Language

10 Annoying Phrases That Serve No Purpose

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These phrases are as unnecessary as they are insufferable. Not only do statements like “no offense” and “whatever” grate on the ear, they don’t transmit any kind of information, which last we checked was the basic purpose of language.

10. It is what it is
This newcomer is the epitome of an ear-grating phrase that means nothing.

9. It’s all good
The inclusion of “all” only accentuates how much you don’t mean what you are saying.

8. To be honest
Not only is this phrase usually followed by something best left unsaid, but it also implies everything else you say is dishonest.

7. No offense
A phrase even more insincere than it is superfluous.

6. Whatever
In a recent survey, 47 percent of Americans chose this word compound as the most annoying phrase of all. Meaning you have permission to smack anyone who uses it and isn’t a 12-year-old girl. (And it’s a close call on smacking any 12-year-old girl who uses the “w” word.)

5. Don’t get me wrong
Isn’t it implicit in most human communication that your intention is always to be correctly understood?

4. With all due respect
Really?

3. Everything happens for a reason
A completely worthless utterance that probably doubles as a vicious taunt to those who have undergone terrible hardships.



2. At the end of the day
At the end of the day, you will be preparing for bed. (With apologizes to John Maynard Keynes.)

1. Going forward
Saying this is like announcing your next footstep.

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Fun puns

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1.  The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He
acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to
be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his
work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me..

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse…

22. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

Thanks Bella

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What’s the worst quote or saying you’ve heard?

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I’ve always been interested in good quotes people have heard.  This posts turns the tables on that.

Reddit asks the question.  Here are a few of the answers:

  • “I could care less”
  • “That’s just your opinion.”
  • “Just saying”
  • “Same difference”
  • ‘It is what it is.’
  • “Stuck between a rock and a hard place”
  • Which came first, the chicken or the egg?  Well reptiles laid eggs long before any birds evolved, so the egg came first.
  • “Exact same.” or “Same exact.”
  • “Going forward…”  As opposed to what?
  • “No offense, but… (insert offensive thing about person here) “
  • “Flogging a dead horse” Dear God! What a horrid image!
  • I always hated ‘Nice guys finish last’.
  • “How ironic?” drives me insane for the sole reason that 90% of the time people say it it isn’t ironic…at all.

What’s the worst quote or saying you’ve heard?

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A few new words

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English is a dynamic language where words are many times altered & adapted to create clearer meanings in context. With this in mind:
  
* Instead of the category “other”, does the Pentagon use MISSILEANEOUS?
   
* Is the process of growing grass for cows called PASTUREIZATION?
   
* Is the habit of giving your word to others but never keeping it called PROMISECUITY?
   
* Is a system under which nothing ever gets better called FUTILEISM?
   
* Is the fan mail that backup singers get called CHORUSPONDENCE?
   
* Are organically grown herbal medicines called FARMACEUTICALS?
   
* Was the age when pork & mutton pretty much all you ate called MEATIEVAL?
   
* Is having a sweet tooth that kind of sneaks up on you called SYRUPTITIOUS?
   
* If one is contemptuous of rubdowns given by women, is one MASSAGEYNISTIC?
   
* Are crossword puzzle events that benefit charities called FILLINTHROPIC?

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Worst three word phrase ever?

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Reddit asks What three words, when juxtaposed, create the worst possible mental image?

Here are a few responses:

  • catastrophic bowel movement
  • 14 f cali.
  • I’m Chris Hansen
  • is it in?
  • Let’s be friends
  • You have AIDS
  • No internet access
  • You’re the father
  • Is that it?
  • I am pregnant
  • Gasoline powered asshammer
  • your brothers’ bigger
  • bathroom clown surprise
  • out of beer
  • no more bacon!
  • Surprise barbed dildo
  • Suprise anal sex
  • Git er done
  • Bush was right
  • Four more years!
  • Church of Scientolog
  • get yourself checked
  • Shit. Don’t move!
  • Great sex, grandma
  • no toilet paper
  • you’re being audited
  • Grab Your Ankles
  • License and registration
  • Leave Britney alone!
  • Shit eating grin
  • President Sarah Palin

What can you come up with?

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