Language

Top 50 oxymorons

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50. Act naturally
49. Found missing
48. Resident alien
47. Advanced BASIC
46. Genuine imitation
45. Airline food
44. Good grief
43. Same difference
42. Almost exactly
41. Government organization
40. Sanitary landfill
39. Alone together
38. Legally drunk
37. Silent scream
36. British fashion
35. Living dead
34. Small crowd
33. Business ethics
32. Soft rock
31. Butt head
30. Military intelligence
29. Software documentation
28. New York culture
27. Extinct life
26. Sweet sorrow
25. Childproof
24. “Now, then…”
23. Synthetic natural gas
22. Christian scientists
21. Passive aggression
20. Taped live
19. Clearly misunderstood
18. Peace force
17. New classic
16. Temporary tax increase
15. French bravery
14. Plastic glasses
13. Terribly pleased
12. Computer security
11. Political science
10. Tight slacks
9. Definite maybe
8. Pretty ugly
7. Twelve-ounce pound cake
6. Diet ice cream
5. Rap music
4. Working vacation
3. Exact estimate
2. Religious tolerance

And the NUMBER ONE top Oxymoron

1. Microsoft Works

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Wacky definitions

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Arbitrator \ar’-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.

Avoidable \uh-voy’-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney \buh-lo’-nee\: Where some hemlines fall

Bernadette \burn’-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage

Burglarize \bur’-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with

Control \kon-trol’\: A short, ugly inmate

Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers \: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

Eclipse \i-klips’\: what an English barber does for a living

Eyedropper \i’-drop-ur\: a clumsy ophthalmologist

Heroes \hee’-rhos\: what a guy in a boat does

Left Bank \left’ bangk’\: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot

Misty \mis’-tee\: How golfers create divots

Paradox \par’-u-doks\: two physicians

Parasites \par’-uh-sites\: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Pharmacist \farm’-uh-sist\: a helper on the farm

Polarize \po’-lur-ize\: what penguins see with

Primate \pri’-mat\: removing your spouse from in front of the TV

Relief \ree-leef’\: what trees do in the spring

Rubberneck \rub’-er-nek\: what you do to relax your wife

Seamstress \seem’-stres\: describes 250 pounds in a size six

Selfish \sel’-fish\: what the owner of a seafood store does

Subdued \sub-dood’\: like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man

Sudafed \sood’-a-fed\: bringing litigation against a government official

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Defining political correctness

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Sometimes you are encouraged about our country’s future when you see something like this. Specifically, there is an annual contest at Ohio State University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.

This year’s term was “Political Correctness.”

The winner wrote:

“Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.”

Thanks Gene

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Made up words

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Reddit asks, What’s your favorite made up word?  Here are a few of the answers:

  • Ridiculi – for when one unit of ridiculous isnt enough.
  • Proboobility – N. – The odds of seeing boobs.
  • Procrasturbation.
  • Pornado!
  • craptastic!
  • embiggen
  • Sacrelicious
  • chalant – the opposite of nonchalant
  • Preclined: declined before it even had a chance.
  • I like using the word “Gruntled.  It’s a real word, but people only ever say “disgruntled.”
  • Analrapist: one who is both an analyst and a therapist
  • Preponed. Opposite of postponed
  • automagically
  • Blowjobligation.  It should be part of a pre-nuptial agreement, like alimony.
  • Fustercluck!
  • Ginormous
  • Fellationship
  • Snard: the grey brownish ice/snow chunk that adheres to your car’s mudflap and/or bottom of car frame in the winter.
  • Vomitose: The state of feeling like one must vomit
  • Irregardless.  I love this word, irregardless of its realness.
  • Toilature: literature for reading while taking a shit.
  • Reintarnation, when a redneck is reborn.
  • Crustard – the yellow cap of dried mustard that forms on top of nozzle
  • Scrotch. Scratching a crotch.

My brother accidentally invented Toin Coss.  He was trying to say “coin toss” and didn’t understand why we were laughing at him.  That was 35 years ago and we still use it ‘til this day.

What’s your favorite made up word?

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48 Amazing anagrams

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Some words NSFW

Army

 Mother-in-law                                Woman Hitler
Evangelist                                        Evil agents
Large breasts                                  Great braless
Prison cell mate                              Con still rapes me
Ordained Priest                              Predator inside
School teacher                                coach the losers

More….

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