Funny

Sleep at work

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Howtosleepatwork_3Stick these on your eyes so you can sleep while on the job.  

Are feeling sleepy in office? Really need some sleep..zzz…zzz… Here’s a solution, take a nap with these eyes stickers. Close your eyes and stick it, sleep for a few minutes and regain your energy. Don’t blame on me if you get caught for that or fired hahahah. For me, I’ll take a cup of coffee whenever I felt sleepy at work. But it is still cool to have those stickers, hehe. Not sure where to get them, maybe you can print some eyes from the net and stick it with tapes.

 Just don’t try this if you drive a truck.

Howtosleepatwork_1 Howtosleepatwork_2

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Write a six-word motto for the USA

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The fine folks at Freakonomics have come up with a contest where you, the hopeful author, come up with a six-word motto for the United States of America.

Here are just a few of the 1,230 mottos submitted:

  • Still Using Fahrenheit, Feet, and Gallons
  • “Land of the six word motto
  • All your oil belong to us
  • I Can’t Believe It’s Not Democracy
  • Some are more equal than others
  • stop me before I kill again
  • Everyone hates US; immigration way up
  • No, we still don’t like soccer
  • Can’t we all just get along?
  • Bold Leadership for a Brighter Yesterday
  • America….at least we’re not Canada
  • Your oil, our cars, we win
  • One Nation, Over Weight, Over Budget
  • Land of the Free (Just Kidding)
  • You’ll never have what we’ve got.
  • We know how to count!
  • Do you want fries with that?
  • This motto reserved for highest bidder
  • We don’t need no stinkin’ motto!
  • If you live here, you’re home.
  • What Your Country Can Do For You
  • God bless America! Starting with me!
  • One Nation. One God. Screw You.
  • Fatter, dumber, richer, and more free.
  • Like Ancient Rome, with flush toilets
  • Luckily, our parents left your country
  • Coming To A Country Near You!
  • Let Freedom Ring (void where prohibited.)
  • Made in America (with foreign components)
  • Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton? Deja Vu?
  • Say what you want. We do
  • Not that bad. Could be better
  • In God we trust. Uh oh
  • Our Vice-President Will Shoot Yours!

The complete list

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Job descriptions in the real world

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A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane. (Laurence J. Peter)
A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn’t there. (Charles R. Darwin)
A topologist is a man who doesn’t know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a “brief.”
A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.
A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

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Brains

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A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath  —

“Mom”, he asked, “Are these my brains?”

“Not yet,” she replied.

Thanks Joe P

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