A better understanding….

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. “Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.”

The villagers rounded up all of their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

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6 truths of life….

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You’re smiling now because you’re an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There’s still a stupid smile on your face.

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Top 100 funny quotes

Billed as the Top 100 funniest quotes…. Not so sure about that, but some are pretty good.   Here are a few:

  • Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. – George Carlin
  • “No comment” is a comment. – George Carlin
  • Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything! – Steve Martin
  • I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. – Jon Stewart
  • A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. – Dennis Miller
  • Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution. – Jay Leno
  • Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to. – Chris Rock
  • You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want togo to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon.’ Need I say more? – Chris Rock

The complete list

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Handy engineering conversions

~ Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
 
~ 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
 
~ 1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
 
~ Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
 
~ Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram
 
~ Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour:  Knot-furlong
 
~ 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
 
~ Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
 
~ 1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
 
~ Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
 
~ Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line (think about it for a moment)
 
~ 453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
 
~ 1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone
 
~ 1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
 
~ 365.25 days: 1 unicycle
 
~ 2000 mockingbirds: 2 kilomockingbirds
 
~ 10 cards: 1 decacards
 
~ 1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
 
~ 1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
 
~ 1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
 
~ 1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
 
~ 10 rations: 1 decoration
 
~ 100 rations: 1 C-ration
 
~ 2 monograms: 1 diagram
 
~ 8 nickels: 2 paradigms
 
~ 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
 
~ 100 Senators: Not 1 decision

Thanks Gene