Thanks Gene
Education
Lipstick on the mirror
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington D.C. was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips on the mirror, leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally, the principal decided something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirror, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
(There are teachers….and then there are educators.)
Bad answers
Kids wrong answers on school tests.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts — the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarian Section.”
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.
25 best (or worst) exam blunders
These are our future leaders. We’re doomed!
1) Classical Studies
Question: Name one of the early Romans’ greatest achievements.
Answer: Learning to speak Latin
2) Biology
Question: What is a fibula?
Answer: A little lie
3) General Studies
Question: Jeff has been asked to collect data about the amount of television his friends watch. Think of an appropriate question he could ask them.
Answer: How much TV do you watch?
4) Classical Studies
Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar’s death?
Answer: Suspicious ones
5) Biology
Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease.
Answer: Early death
6) Geography
Question: What are the Pyramids?
Answer: The Pyramids are a large mountain range which splits France and Spain
7) Biology
Question: What is a plasmid?
Answer: A high definition television
8) English
Question: In Pride and Prejudice, at what moment does Elizabeth Bennet realize her true feelings for Mr Darcy?
Answer: When she sees him coming out of the lake.
9) Geography
Question: What do we call a person forced to leave their home perhaps by a natural disaster or war, without having another home to go to.
Answer: Homeless
10) Religious Studies
Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called?
Answer: Monotony
11) Biology
Question: In the Hawaiian Islands, there are around 500 different species of fruit fly. Give a reason for this
Answer: There are approximately 500 varieties of fruit
12) Physics
Question: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuels.
Answer: Fire
13) Geography
Question: Define the term “intensive farming”.
Answer: It is when a farmer never has a day off.
14) Maths
Question: Change 7/8 to a decimal.
Answer: 7.8
15) Geography
Question: What does the term “lava” mean?
Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar
16) General Studies
Question: Redundancy is often an unpleasant and unexpected event in someone’s life. Give two examples of unexpected life events.
Answer: 1) death 2) Reincarnation
17) History
Question: What was introduced in the Children’s Charter of 1908?
Answer: Children
18) Business Studies
Question: Explain the word “wholesaler”.
Answer: Someone who sells you whole items – eg, a whole cake
19) Geography
Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
Answer: Malaria
20) Geography
Question:What artificial waterway runs between the Mediterranean and Red Seas?
Answer: The Sewage Canal
21) Geography
Question: Name one famous Greek landmark.
Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse.
22) Maths
Question: Expand 2 (x + y)
Answer: 2 ( x + y )
2 ( x + y )
2 ( x + y )
23) Business Studies
Question: Assess Fashion House pls’s choice to locate its factory near Birmingham. Is Birmingham the right location for this type of business?
Answer: No. People from Birmingham aren’t very fashionable.
24) History
Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
Answer: At the bottom.
25) History
Question: What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common?
Answer: Unusual names.
