Mike
When you try the “Say Anything” skit in the low rent district
****Warning: Language****
And a popular “Down Undah” joke:
A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Mick, the only Australian in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Mick was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters, and BBQ and flirting with all the women.
At the height of the party, the host said, ‘I have a 10-foot man-eating gator in my pool and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.. The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Mick in the pool!
Mick was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! He was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere.
Both Mick and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Eventually, Mick strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. He then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
Finally, the host says, ‘Well, Mick, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.
”No, that’s okay. I don’t want it,’ said Mick.
The rich man said, ‘Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet.
How about half a million bucks then?’
‘No thanks, I don’t want it,’ answered The Aussie.
The host said, ‘Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?’
Again Mick said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, ‘Well then, what do you want?’
Mick said, ‘I want the name of the Arsehole who pushed me in the pool!’
24 years ago today, Americans held their collective breath
But then, something magical happened. We came together as one nation – as patriots and proud citizens of a country that will not be downtrodden by tragedy. I for one miss that America and hope that one day we can return to that unity.
What can Christians learn from other religions?
World religions scholar Huston Smith offers an image for the various world faith traditions. He pictures them as a complex and beautiful stained glass window, refracting and revealing the pure divine light of God. Each reveals truth, goodness and beauty, and each has its own unique opaqueness as well.
Here are some of the things other religions have given me:
From Buddhism I have learned a sense of the interdependence of all life and the non-dual oneness of the contemplative experience.
From Hinduism I have learned the richness of a mythology that is embracing and inclusive of the complexity of human experience, while honoring the divine in the midst of it all.
From Jainism I have learned the ideal of Aahisma– nonharming– that challenges my violent and power-based cultural norms.
From Islam I have learned the power of disciplined prayer and surrender to God through faithful daily acts of devotion.
From Judaism I have learned to delight in vital and living conversations with ancient holy texts interpreted through the centuries.
From Native religions I have learned the holiness of nature and the revelatory wonder that is the living breath of our mother earth.
From Zen I have learned the limitations of the rational.
From Catholicism I have learned the power of the sacramental presence of the divine within the created. From Protestantism I have learned the passion of a personal relationship with God.
From Science and Humanism I have learned of the exquisite order and relationship of all creation and the responsibility of human beings for the welfare of this fragile earth.
From Christianity I have learned that every creature is blessed by the incarnation of God in Jesus Christ and that wherever there is “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, [or] self-control,” there is God’s Spirit. “There is no law against such things.” (Galatians 5:22-23)
this isn’t right. poultry goes with white
thanks, Chef!
he deserved that, to be honest
thanks, Sarah!
better this class than the wrestling ring
thanks, DJ!
bits and pieces hump day picture dump
(various)
Those pesky unions and their rules
A dedicated union steel worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, “Is this a union house?”
No,” she replied, “I´m sorry it isn’t.”
“Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”
“The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,” she answered.
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.
His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, “Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules.”
The man asked, “And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”
“The girls get $80 and the house gets $20.”
“That´s more like it!” the union man said. He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. I´d like her,” he said.
“I´m sure you would, sir,” said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 72-year old woman in the corner, “but Ethel here has 53 years seniority and she´s next.”