“More hay, Trigger?” “No thanks, Roy, I’m stuffed!”
It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
I used to wake up grumpy. Now her new boyfriend does.
Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control her pupils?
I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well they’re not laughing now.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Hey Santa, how much is it for the list of naughty girls?
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Me neither.
When there’s a will, I want to be in it.
This sentence contradicts itself. No, wait… apparently it doesn’t.
The information went data way.
“Happiness is a warm puppy,” said the anaconda.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible
Be popular. Otherwise people might not like you.
“Cogito eggo sum” – “I think, therefore I am a waffle.”
Everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.
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