This post is an equal opportunity offender. It was sent to me by a fellow blogger who requested his/her name not be mentioned.
For those of you traveling abroad you might want to consider the following:
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards”. They don’t have any other levels and this is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British Army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.
It’s not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Stiff Leg Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose”.
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish Navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.
New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!” Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the Air Force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper planes and the Navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath). New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is “fuck”, I hope Australia will come and rescue us”.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, mate”. Two more escalation levels remain, “Crikey!’, “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is cancelled”. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
Thanks Anonymous blogger
roflmao! seroiusly, this is funny as hell!
This is good…especially loved the Spanish glass bottomed subs. haha
As an Aussie “No worries” and “She’ll be right” are two explanations that I use quite often and they really do reflect the way that we as Australians think , that is nothing ever seems to phase us , even to the point that the so called World Economic Crisis never really affected our society as we as a nation just carried on as if nothing was happening and thought “She’ll be right mate ‘ and thats just what it turned out for us. And as for the word ” Crikey ” apart from the late Steve Irwin I have never used or for that matter have ever heard any other Aussie ever use.
I just loved this one, it’s so funny
ELKABONG – Since you haven’t heard other Aussies use “Crikey”, I guess that means that Oz hasn’t reached the third security level…
yes what is with the brits and the art of understatement? I see it in my family a little. Always confuses me.
for the Belgians they could have added the surrealistic: ceci n’est pas une thread