Top Ten Reasons Mitt Romney Dropped Out Of The Presidential Race

10. Harsh midwest weather was murder on his split ends

9. Wants to devote more time to rap persona P. MItty

8. Polls show public doesn’t want a president who looks like a casino greeter

7. Just couldn’t compete with the Ron Paul juggernaut

6. Unveiling a new line of honey-roasted Romnuts

5. That bastard Zogby had it in for him

4. Apparently America is not ready for a white male president

3. No number 3 — writer suffering from Mitt withdrawal

2. There was that little problem of nobody voting for him

1. Lost all of his money betting on the Patriots

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