Groucho Marx quotes

by

GROUCHO MARXWhat a witty guy he was….

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.-

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. –

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. –

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats. –

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. –

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. –

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. –

I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. –

I must confess, I was born at a very early age. –

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. –

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn’t educate America if they started at 6:30. –

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. –

I remember the first time I had sex – I kept the receipt. –

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. –

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? –

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. –

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. –

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. –

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. –

I intend to live forever, or die trying-

via

0

10 thoughts on “Groucho Marx quotes”

  2. “I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. -”

    The story goes that a country club had a policy about not taking jews as members. However, they told him that they would make an exception for him. In front of multiple reporters he said that line.

  3. A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.
    A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
    I intend to live forever, or die trying.
    I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
    It isn’t necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

  5. He passed three days after Elvis and his death went largely unnoticed. I’m a big fan of both though.

  9. And My favorite:
    Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read-

    My favorite Groucho story is when he went to a pool with his family and he was told they don’t allow Jews to swin in their pool. He then asked if his daughter could wade in up to her waste because she was only half Jewish.

Leave a Comment