Not the 2009 MENSA Invitational

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The following is attributed to the Washington Post.  I did some research and neither the Washington Post, Mensa, nor Snopes has anything on this that I could find.  I found the same list elsewhere but titled 2005 winners, so it’s been floating around a while.  It’s funny none-the-less.  I posted the first part of this list in April of 2008.  Here it is again:

The Washington Post’s Mensa invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the 2009 winners:

1.  Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2.  Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
3.  Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4.  Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5.  Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6.  Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7.  Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8.  Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
9.  Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your n  bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam..
12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of jockey shorts worn by Jewish men.

Thanks Gene

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15 thoughts on “Not the 2009 MENSA Invitational”

  1. It’s real enough. I can’t remember the columnists name, but this has been a competition of his for many years. I believe he would have a weekly word and then have a list of the best at year’s end.

  5. Jondo: When the creator of B&P forgets who he is.
    Deborat: A Sacha Baron Cohen movie fan.
    Sinfidel: Need I make up a definition?
    Bitsay: ǝıssnɐ ǝןʇʇıן ɐ ƃuıʞɐǝds
    KNAW: Chews through the all the BS. Not to be confused with WANK spelled bachwards.

  9. Washington Post does this annually, sometimes more frequently… A lot of times, they ask people to find buzz words in the articles and play the definition game. Back when Clinton was in office, during the whole scandal, there were some VERY creative words that mixed government and pleasure

  10. It’s called the Style Invitational in the Washington Post. They used to run it weekly – think they still do. It is basically a wacky wordplay contest. It has nothing to do with Mensa.

  11. Doesn’t Webster’s (or another dictionary) have a contest like this every year for new words to the English language and possible addition to the next version of the dictionary? I may be totally off the mark, but I thought I remembered something similar reported on NPR.org months ago.

  14. I feel obliged to point out that my son brought me a Gary Larsen book–‘Wiener Dog art’ which on page 67 features a cartoon entitled, ‘the bozone layer’. Clever definition the other author came up with, but not precisely original in the phrasing.

  15. According to what I found on The Washington Post’s website… This was sparked by an article they plublished in the week 271 issue back in 1998. It’s been floating around for over 10 years.

    From washingtonpost.com:
    “It still hasn’t stopped: With mystifying regularity, we continue to receive (often passed through several mailboxes at The Post) unsolicited entries to what’s sometimes called the “Mensa Invitational,” and most recently “Change a Letter, Change a Lot”: The results of Week 271 have continued to orbit in cyberspace for almost 10 years, picking up forwarders’ own efforts along the way. We hope these lost souls find us this week. This week’s contest: Take a word, term or name that begins with E, F, G or H; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two letters; and define the new word, as in the examples above, which got ink in 1998 and 2003. “

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