Recent Chicago Cubs acquisition Kosuke Fukudome pronounces his name as “Foo-koo-DOUGH-may” and NOT “Fuck-you-DO-me” as I had first thought. Glad we got that straightened out before any embarrassing conversational gaffes.
If your instinct tells you NOT to click on a link, run with your instinct. Never, ever click on a link titled “Two Guys, One Horse” assuming that it was hilariously mislabeled as some sort of joke.
NEVER answer the “Does this make me look fat?” question. And tread lightly when the “What are you thinking?” one is lobed at you.
Mistakes are the workshop of growth and learning.
Don’t sweat the small stuff, yet paradoxically little things mean a great deal!
I’m not sure if it’s age, A.D.D., or early onset of Alzheimer’s, but I find I need to make notes and lists to get things done. Now, if I could just stem the occurrences of going places at work and forgetting why I went there in the first place.
Tackle big problems in little steps.
Deadlines (much like traffic signals) are merely suggestions. However, in both cases it’s usually best to comply.
Better to lose the battle and to win the war.
You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, BUT you can’t pick your friends’ nose!
Half the crap on the internet credited to Andy Rooney probably wasn’t his material.
And with that in mind, a few that may, or may not be from Dave Berry’s List:
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.
The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be: meetings.
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
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