Australia Day, also known as Anniversary Day, Foundation Day and Invasion Day is the official national day of Australia. Celebrated annually on 26 January, officially the day commemorates the state of NSW becoming a colony of Great Britain. It’s like our July 4th here in the United States.
A guide to Australian English
1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3. Whether it’s the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.
4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he’s probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.
5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.
6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.
8. All our best heroes are losers.
9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
10. It’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.
12. It is proper to refer to your best friend as “a total bastard”. By contrast, your worst enemy is “a bit of a bastard”.
13. Historians believe the widespread use of the word “mate” can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or “mateship”. Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names.
14. The wise man will choose a partner who is more attractive than himself………….to mosquitoes.
15. If it can’t be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it’s not worth fixing.
16. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.
17. It’s considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.
18. The phrase “we’ve got a great lifestyle” means everyone in the family drinks too much.
19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host’s beer. (Don’t worry, he’ll have catered for it).
20. If there is any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you’d be a mug not to go.
21. The phrase “a simple picnic” is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don’t need to make three trips back to the car, you’re not trying.
22. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just don’t sit. That’s what backyards are for.
23. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
24. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.
25. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel’s pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
26. The men are tough, but the women are tougher.
27. The chief test of manhood is one’s ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.
28. There comes a time in every Australian’s life when he/she realises that the Aerogard is worse than the flies.
29. And, finally, don’t let the tourist books fool you. No-one EVER says “cobber” to anyone … EVER!
Thanks DJ, Miss Cellania & Phil
Thats why I wont go there,too many deadly creatures,So Ana what you got panned for the holiday,hey is it legal to have one of those little bears as a pet?
Woohoo for Australia!!
Happy Aussie Day!!!
Happy Holidays Convicts lol
It must be very hard to drink beer while living upside down.
No, DJ it’s easy to drink beer upside down. Just turn the can over.
Three Aussie guys were working on a high-rise building project – Steve, Bruce and Kevin.
Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, “Someone should go and tell his wife.”
Kevin says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.”
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Bruce says, “Where did you get that, Kev?”
“Steve’s wife gave it to me,”
Bruce replies. “That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?”
“Well not exactly,” Kevin said. “When she answered the door, I said to her, ‘You must be Steve’s widow’.
She said, ‘No, I’m not a widow.’
And I said, ‘I’ll bet you a case of Fosters you are’.”
¡ʎɐp ɐılɐɹʇsnɐ ʎddɐɥ
O.K. Scott, I’ll ask it. How did you do that???
I turned my keyboard over.
LOL… Guys are on their toes today. Great one Scott.
¡¡sʞɹoʍ ɹǝʌo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ǝɥʇ buıuɹnʇ .ʎǝɥ
¡uʍop ǝpısdn ɹoʇıuoɯ ʎɯ uɹnʇ oʇ pɐɥ ‘ǝɯ ɹoɟ ʞɹoʍ ʇ,upıp pɹɐoqʎǝʞ
Haha, DJ you crazy foreigner c”,) No-one in Australia actually drinks Fosters. You’re looking at Carlton Draught (said ‘draft’), Victoria Bitter (said ‘veebee’) or Tooheys (said ‘two-eeys’, but only drunk if you’re a bogan). Fosters is the crap we ship overseas.
…oh…well there goes my Aussie celebration…
(sadly pours Fosters in toilet, opens LaBatts to get ready for Canada Day…)
Jonco – We should celebrate the national holidays of every country here,
or at least the ones B&Psters are in…
…Hey! We could drink beer from each country…
Bottoms up!
Cheers!
Ana isn’t here. Damn.
She’s still recovering from Australia Day celebrations!
DJ…..im from Wales, UK…..celebrate St Davids day with me….March 1st…..thanks
Taffy…gimme the name of your favorite Welsh brew and we’ll toast!
And send in some Welsh jokes or a video for that day and we’ll all par-tay!
Bloody Aussie ads…
Ah well, Happy Australia day, from across the ditch 🙂
Analyze Ana’s Anatomy?
Here’s a tune that’ll get stuck in Infidel’s and a few others’ heads:
*ahem*
My Analyze over the ocean,
My Analyze over the sea,
My Analyze over the ocean,
Oh bring back my Anatomy…
LMAO!! 😀 Australian Government Department of Offence. I like it. I guess it’s an inside joke cause if you live in Australia all you ever see is the logo “Australian Government Department of XYZ” where XYZ = just about everything under the sun.
Even the cute platypus is poisonous, koalas are NOT bears, kangaroos are bloody delicious and Scott, sorry, couldn’t get your last post, it was upside down.
NSW is a state? Can I go there during work or would that be not suitable?
Scott, that’s a terrific little ditty. Well thought out.
Whew,a bit late to comment on this one…still recovering…great list and so true thanks cobber.
P.S. no-one here drinks fosters… Ursus Christos is right.
No Fosters eewwk! We live on the bit that broke off (tassy) we usually go the Tooheys when we can buy the 30 can slab guess that makes us Bogans or Ferals LOL
Oh god i lol’d.
F… the fosters please, you cant even buy the stuff here.
i <3 australia ^_^