Hate your job?

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Unfortunately not true, but it’s too funny not to share.

The next time you have a ‘I Hate My Job!!!’ day, (even if you’re retired, you have those sometimes too), TRY THIS!!!:
 
Rectal thermometerOn your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy, go to the thermometer section, and purchase a ‘Rectal’ thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.    Be very sure to only get this brand!
 
When you get home, lock the doors, draw the curtains, and disconnect the phone, so you won’t be disturbed.  Now, change into your most comfortable clothes, and sit in your favorite chair.
 
Open the package and remove the thermometer.   Place it carefully on a table or a flat surface so it will not become scratched, chipped, or broken.      (OK, stop giggling and don’t get ahead of me.   And you perverts, get your mind out of the gutter!)
 
Now the fun begins!!!
 
Take the literature from the box and Read It Very Carefully!!    You will notice in very fine, small print the following statement:
‘Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is Personally Tested and then sanitized.’
 
 Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: ‘I am SOOOO glad that I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson!’
 
 NOW HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER TOMORROW AT WORK, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE WHO HAS A JOB THAT’S MORE OF A PAIN IN THE REAR THAN YOURS!!!

Thanks Gene

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11 thoughts on “Hate your job?”

  2. Jeez, the company that I work for sticks this to their customers every day and wouldn’t find it necessary to sanitize because of budget restraints approved by the CEO so he can get his raise.

  8. Have gotten this email several times and thought I would share it with you. Hope it gives you a chuckle. The next time you have a bad day at work… think of this guy.

    Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.Needless to say, she won.

    Hi Sue:

    Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

    Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

    As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It’s a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.

    So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

    Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi.

    Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.

    Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

    Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

    I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

    Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

    When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

    As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

    So, next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish in your butt crack.

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