
Okay maybe SECOND to last, as this one is me:

Sincerely, Me.
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Reminds me of this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yS_isF77HTM
What, no sgian dubh?
You are unarmed and you have a wife to protect.
Well, a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked that he’d drunk more than his share
He fumbled ’round until he could no longer keep his feet
And he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring ding diddle iddle ay dee oh
Ring di diddly ay oh
And he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
etc…
Not sure this guy won first prize.