Sunday Open Mic

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Florida driveI’m traveling today and tomorrow to Florida to take care of Aunt Iva’s apartment and personal belongings.  I’m driving to the Atlanta area today, which is about the half-way point of the trip.  Monday morning I’ll head on down and end up in Port Charlotte Florida.  I’ve planned at least two nights there and may head over to New Orleans on Wednesday (or Thursday) to stop by my cousin’s house before heading home.  It all depends on how long I stay in Florida.  I need to be back home next weekend. 

So things might be a little slow here this week.

 

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42 thoughts on “Sunday Open Mic”

  7. Take the week off Jonco, We’ll be here when you get back, um, that’s the royal “we”. I don’t know who “we” are. But I know I am “me”. I think.

    If anyone would like to help me Caption a cartoon, Well, I sure would appreciate it. Go Here:
    Caption Contest#1″

  8. A short passage from a J.H. Hacsi book I’m reading:
    “Life is change and to go with the flow allows you to live with far less strain. Why put yourself under the stress of constantly trying to build makeshift dams in the middle of a flowing river?”

    That really opened my eyes to the fact that I’ve spent a large part of my life, wearing myself out working on makeshift dams.

    Selah

  9. And on a lighter note:

    Wive’s Duties
    Three men from Texas were sitting together one day bragging about how they had given their new wives duties

    The first man had married a woman from Illinois and had told her that she was going to have to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away

    The second man had married a woman from Michigan . . .

    He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table

    The third man had married a girl from GEORGIA . . .

    He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

  10. If you stop in Knoxville TN, about 3 hours North of Atlanta let me know. I would love to meet you. If nothing else just a quick stop for a photo op :o)

  12. In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
    He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

    The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

    Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

    Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

    Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

  13. Made it to Atlanta’s. No internet at hotel so might not update tonight. Didn’t get your message until I got to Atlanta Cassie.. sorry.
    Off to Hooters.

  15. Ooooooh, I wish I was there. I just know that they’re drinking beer and having a blast! Infi, put your eyes back in your head and your tongue…you’re drooling. LOL.

  17. Subject: The history of the F Word

    History’s top 10 times for appropriate use of the F-word

    10th – “Scattered f***ing showers, my ass!” – Noah, 4314 BC

    9th – “How the f*** did you work that out?” – Pythagoras, 126 BC

    8th – “You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?” – Michelangelo, 1566

    7th – “Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?” – Custer, 1877

    6th – “It does so f***ing look like her!” – Picasso, 1926

    5th – “Where the f*** are we?” – Amelia Earhart, 1937

    4th – “Any f***ing idiot could understand that.” – Einstein, 1938

    3rd – “What the f*** was that?” – Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

    2nd – “I need this parade like I need a f***ing hole in the head!” –

    JFK, 1963

    And … drum roll …,,,,,..

    The number 1 most appropriate time for using the “F” word …..

    “Aw c’mon. Who the f*** is going to find out?” – Tiger Woods, 2009

  21. A fat guy goes to the doctor…
    He tells the doctor, “My stomach is so big I can’t see my penis.”
    The doctor looks at the guy and said, “That’s easy, just diet.”
    The guy answers, “Great!! What color??”

  23. A guy moves into a new house out in the middle of nowhere. The day
    after he moves in, he sees an old pickup truck rumbling down the only
    dirt road that leads out to his house. After a few minutes, the pickup
    finally arrives, and a man gets out.
    “Howdy”, the man says, “my name is Jim.”
    “Well hi, Jim”, says the homeowner, “my name is Andy.”
    “Well, Andy, I saw you moved in here and I wanted to come
    out and invite you to a little party I’m having. It’s going to be
    terrific. There’s going to be some fun, some drinking, some fightin’,
    some love-making, it’s gonna be great.”
    “That sounds terrific! What should I wear?”
    “Oh, it don’t matter. It’s just gonna be you and me.”

  25. A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on
    the TV and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it
    starts!”

    She looked puzzled, but brought him a beer.

    When he finished he said, “Quick bring me a beer. Its gonna start!”

    This time she looked a little angry, but brought him another beer.

    When it was gone he said, “Quick bring me another beer before it starts!”

    Well, that did it, she blows her top!…

    “You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, you don’t
    even say hello to me and you expect me to run around like your slave
    getting you beer after beer. Don’t you realize that I cook, clean,
    wash and iron all day long?”

    The husband sighed and said, “Oh crap………. it’s started.”

  26. A man was sitting all alone on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
    Three beautiful you women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
    The first woman said, ‘Have you ever had a hug?’
    The man said ‘No,’ so she gave him a hug and walked on.
    The second woman said, ‘Have you ever had a kiss?’
    The man said, ‘No,’ so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
    The third woman came to him and said, ‘Have you ever been screwed?’
    The fellow’s eyes lit up and with a big grin he said, ‘No.’
    She said, ‘You will be when the tide comes in.’

  27. Two nuns are riding their bikes down the back streets of Rome.
    One leans over and says to the other…”I’ve never come this way before.”
    The other nun whispers…”It’s the cobblestones…”

  28. Little Ralphie returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
    “Why?” asks his father.
    “The teacher asked, ‘How much is 2×3?’ I said ‘6’” replies Ralphie.
    “But that’s right!” says his dad.”
    “Yeah, but then she asked me, ‘How much is 3×2?'”
    “What’s the f&¢%ing difference?” asks the father.
    “That’s what I said!!”

  29. A man goes to the doctor. “Doc,” he says, “every time I sneeze I get an orgasm!”
    “My goodness,” replies the doctor. “What are you taking for it?”
    The man says, “Pepper.”

  30. A man was badly constipated, so he went to a doctor. The doctor prescribed suppositories and told the man to take one once every four hours.

    The man left the doctor, happy that his problem would soon be gone. When he got home, he took a suppository, swallowing it with a glass of water. Four hours passed, nothing happened. But he figured that these things take time, so he swallowed another one, hoping he would reap the benefits very soon. After several days of taking the suppositories every four hours, he was still constipated, so he returned to the doctor.

    When the man explained that he took one every four hours, as prescribed, the doctor exclaimed, “What the heck are you doing? Swallowing them?”

    The man replied sarcastically, “No, I’m shoving them up my butt!!!”

  32. A man walks in to his son’s bedroom to check on him and feels the need to dispense some fatherly advice:
    “Son. You know, doing that will make you go blind.”
    “Dad?”
    “Yes. Son?”
    “I’m over here.”

  33. OK, I quickly drew the red line on the map and pasted the car. I was in a hurry. Fortunately my navigation in my phone worked better than the map. I made it with an hour to spare…. even forgetting to take the time change into consideration until I was half way to Atlanta.

  37. Jonco, while you’re in the area you should go check out those islands in the Gulf that I see on your map. You’d be there in no time with your giant car.

  38. Glad you enjoyed them Bella.

    I got a new stick deodorant today.
    The instructions said, “Remove cap and push up bottom”.
    I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.

  40. hey man, I’m the guy that runs myconfinedspace.com if you’re passing by/through tallahassee (your map kinda hints you may) you should let me buy you a beer from our local pizza/beer place, it’d be nice to meet the guy that sends so much traffic my way!

  41. Tiki god, Damn! too late. I’m already thru there…. by the time I saw this. I made it to Biloxi. I need to announce my route earlier. Once I get on the road I normally don’t / can’t stop and check email.

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