I cried today…

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If you’re looking for humor, you should move on to the next post.  My friends… this ain’t it.

I cried today for the first time in years.  I don’t cry easily or often.  I don’t like to cry because it gives me a headache and for that reason alone I’m glad I don’t cry much.

I cried because of a story I read about a dog.  A dog!  I’ve watched the horrors on TV about the devastating earthquake in Haiti that killed maybe a hundred thousand people and nary a tear from my face.  But this story about a dog just reached in and tore a hole in my heart.  Maybe I’m not right… maybe not even human.  I just had to go in and lay on the bed with Gus and give him a big hug.  Of course he was sort of ambivalent to my affection, but that’s just Gus.

Here’s the story….

When I was a puppy….

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child and, despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend.

Whenever I was ‘bad’, you’d shake your finger at me and ask, ‘How could you?’ – but then you’d relent and roll me over for a bellyrub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect.

We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream, (I only got the cone because ‘ice cream is bad for dogs’, you said,) and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a ‘dog person’ – still, I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then human babies came along and I shared your excitement.

I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only, she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate.

Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a ‘prisoner of love’. As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch – because your touch was now so infrequent – and I would’ve defended them with my life, if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered, ‘yes’ and changed the subject. I had gone from being ‘your dog’ to ‘just a dog’ and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You’ve made the right decision for your ‘family’, but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said, ‘I know you will find a good home for her’.

They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with ‘papers’. You had to pry your son’s fingers loose from my collar as he screamed, ‘No, Daddy! Please don’t let them take my dog!’ And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked, ‘How could you?’

They are as attentive to us in here at the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that had changed your mind – that this was all a bad dream, or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her into a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.

As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.

She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured, ‘How could you?’ Perhaps, because she understood my dogspeak, she said, ‘I’m so sorry’. She hugged me and hurriedly explained that it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn’t be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself – a place of love and light, so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her, with a thump of my tail, that my ‘How could you?’ was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

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28 thoughts on “I cried today…”

  2. Thanks for sharing this. It’s a great reminder about seeing things from the other side.
    Dog’s love unconditionally. I wish we were as good at it as they are.

    The shelters are full of examples of people who liked the “idea” of a puppy but tossed it aside when it was no longer convenient.

    God bless & protect our furry friends!

    Hug your pup today!

    Rich

  4. I just finished my lunch time walk with George before reading this. I work at home and he is my office manager. George was one of 7 Lab mix puppies my Sister rescued from certain death before Christmas. It’s been awhile since we had a puppy in the house. The bright outshines the dark by far. I hope I remember this story when George grows up.

  5. As a shelter volunteer, I can tell you this is an all too familiar story. It hurts my heart that people can just toss family members aside when they no longer benefit them. For people looking to add a family member please, please adopt a shelter animal. You will be so glad that you did.

  6. I don’t have a dog right now, but I plan to in the not too distant future. Perhaps I can save a middle-aged dog from a shelter.
    Thanks for sharing this-if nothing else, it gives me a good sense of the dog’s point of view. (It also made me ball my eyes out!)

  7. I’ve never even had a dog and I’m in floods of tears. I ended up hoping that my cat wasn’t thinking that when I had him put to sleep last year. But he was smart and I don’t think he missed the fact that I gave up having a life and was awake 22 hours a day for 18 months just looking after him and making sure that he ate enough. I can’t even imagine being able to find the numbness you must need to be able to force an animal out of your life.

  8. This story is why I always have at least two pound puppies and two pound kitties in my house. I am fortunate enough to be able to volunteer at a “no-kill” shelter that takes dogs and cats up North every year for adoptions in states that have strong spay-neuter laws (fewer strays). Think about making a donation to a shelter.

  9. oh my gos, I’m bauling. That was so damn depressing. I always hated those shelters. They make me sad. I only wish people would spay and neuter their animals. It makes me so sad how people take any life for granted. I know- no one wants to hear me- but yeah, I’m a vegetarian. I just love all life. It’s awesome.

  10. “I ended up hoping that my cat wasn’t thinking that when I had him put to sleep last year. But he was smart and I don’t think he missed the fact that I gave up having a life and was awake 22 hours a day for 18 months just looking after him and making sure that he ate enough.”

    That was very different. He was obviously very old, or sick, so putting him to sleep was a true kindness to him. Not only that, but you were with him until the end–you didn’t give up on him. You cared for him.

    It’s different than getting a pet and tossing it aside when it no longer suits you, which is inexcusable. Having to euthanize a beloved pet is never easy, but doing it because they are sick, or in pain, are terribly aggressive with no hope for rehabilitation, or no longer have a decent quality of life, is certainly not only understandable, but the right thing to do.

    HOWEVER, not everyone who relinquishes a pet to a shelter is a bad person; most (yes, most) are people just like you and me who have fallen on hard times and really must put the humans in the family first. I work at a shelter, and despite the fact that most of my coworkers want to place blame, I see a lot of the people who are giving up their pets, and they are distraught. They believe they failed that animal, and most of them feel guilty and very sad.

    There are “good” reasons to reliquish pets, and bad ones. Some relinquishers realize that they simply do not have what it takes to care for a pet, and by taking it to a low-kill shelter, they are giving an adoptable pet a real second chance. Some get shipped off to war. Some have babies and are overwhelmed, and the dog suffers because he is not having his needs met anymore. Some become disabled and can no longer exercise that big goofy dog they found on the street and tried to help, and don’t have a support system of family and friends to help them. Some marry people who don’t like pets (why anyone would do this is beyond me), and they think that person will change his or her mind, but then the ultimatum comes. It’s easy to place blame and believe that ALL people who would get rid of a pet are horrible human beings, but it’s not usually as black and white as that.

    THAT SAID, this story is NOT a story of a decent person who did what was best for the dog. He didn’t, and his reason was not a “good” one! I’m just saying that even folks who work in shelters should not always assume the worst of people. I shudder at the thought of having to get rid of any of my beloved pets, but you know that old saying, “There but for the grace of God go I”? Life happens, and some people have done the best they can. Maybe they did to try to rehome the pet themselves.

    At least people–even bad people–who bring their pet to a shelter knew enough to bring it there instead of dumping it on the road or giving it to some stranger to do who-knows-what with, or leaving it in the backyard (or house) when they move (yes, people do this and as you might can tell from my comments I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but lowlifes who abandon their animals to starve or worse make me physically ill).

    IMO, if you make the conscious choice to acquire a pet, either by buying, adopting, or rescuing, after researching and doing your homework to make sure you can do it, you make a pact with that animal that you will make sure it is cared for. If you cannot look into the future and see the potential obstacles and how you would deal with them, or you look ahead, see the obstacles and think, “I’ll just get rid of him if that happens,” don’t get a pet.

    If you have a pet, do everything in your power to care for him (this includes whatever training he needs to make him a welcomed family member in your home). If you can no longer care properly for him, do your very best to find him a home that will take over his care. If you exhaust ALL your options, call around and find the best place to take him that will rehome him (if he is adoptable). That is doing your best with a bad situation. And you owe it to him because you made the choice to take him in.

    And go hug your dog. It’s therapeutic.

  11. I’m sitting here at work tearing up. I can’t wait to go home and see my lil Jake. Jonco, It’s refreshing that you admitted you teared up. Most guys wouldn’t have admitted that.

  12. Im sitting here crying like a baby.

    The people who really get me are the ones who get the cute puppy cause they saw a celebrity carry one or they saw it in a movie. Next thing you know, the 8oz puppy is a 4lb dog and its “too big”. WTF? Or how about the ones who didn’t realize puppies chew stuff up and actually have to poop daily?

    Morons should not be allowed to breed.

    When you’re considering adopting a pet, consider the breed too. Pit bulls get such a bad rap. They make great family pets. Blame the deed, not the breed.

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  14. This teared me up too. After 17 years of asking and begging Jeff finally let me get a cat.Meet Lucy! I went to get a young cat but ended up bring home a 9 year old arthritic, elderly, obese cat. I wanted a cat to play with but she NEEDED me. On one hand I have to think “How could anyone give her up” but just as quickly I have to think “Thank God someone gave her up.” I don’t even have words to tell you the sheer joy the last 19 days have brought me. What a God sent!

    PS here is your PSP: Think about adopting an an elderly pet. Sure you wont have as long with them, but a cat (or dog) that has lived this long is wise and wonderful in a way a kitten or puppy never could be. Pure Joy.

    http://wifemotherme.diaryland.com/100103_9.html

  15. I changed my avatar to show some of my menagerie. It’s hard to see, but there are three dogs and two horses in the pic.

  16. My two rescued friends; the white one snatched back from the very edge of death. They left an impression on me that few living things have. Both gone now.

  17. Not that I needed an excuse, but I just went to find my pup, Bailey, to give her a hug. She looked at me like I was insane, but I needed that hug.

    Our pup was a rescue from the Florida panhandle after Hurricane Ivan — owners had let their dogs to roam while they evacuated. When they came back, lots of the females were pregnant and in the case of Bailey, the puppies were abandoned — specifically, left in a taped-up box out in the rain for approximately 2 days. When the rescuers found her, she had worms, was starving, and looked rough. We had been looking for a rescue to adopt, and were hoping for a dog that was already housebroken, but once I saw her, I knew she was ours. It took awhile to work through her distrust of people (who can blame her?), and she still has weird neuroses, but she has been an amazing companion for 5 years.

  18. Yeah, this is a real moving story (usually the title reads also ‘How could you?’) and for sure it is a feeling mankind worth a reaction – anyhow the reaction on _daily_ seen horrors in the news declines. Don’t blame you for that!

    Another well used story (at least in Germany) is “The Rainbow Bridge http://www.rainbowbridge.org/ – mostly author titled as unknown, but it could have been a private short story of William N. Britton.

  20. Yes, you can easily prove the point another way. Lock your wife/girlfriend in the trunk of your car for an hour. When you open it, see which one is most pleased to see you !

  21. I grew up around animals and had my own dog when I was 10, a collie cross labrador. He was such a loyal and loving dog, I had to leave him living with my mum when I left home at 20, to go and live in staff accommodation, but every time I went home to visit, he’d be sitting by the front gate, waiting for me to get there, as though he’d heard my car coming up the road (even as I type this I’m welling up), just like he used to when I was at school.
    One day, my mum phoned me at my home, in floods of tears and could barely tell me that my dog had come to the end of his days and to spare him, she’d called the vet out and had him given his final dignity, he was just shy of 14 years old (not bad, considering that’s 98 in dog years).
    In my office I have a pastel drawing that my mum had made for me the Christmas before he passed, I often look at it and smile, because the artist has captured the true character of him. His name was Dennis the Menace and he lived up to that name, but only in mischief, not in malice…

  24. This is the first post I started reading that I actually couldn’t finish. Usually curiosity compels me to see it through and I have a strong stomach. I cannot understand how people can do that, even if it’s hard times.

    I love my baby too much, luckily, so does my wife.

  26. We got Fred, Beagle of Valor, from the animal shelter 11 years ago, on his last day before going off to that big fire hydrant in the sky. He was overweight, not terribly smart, but such a sweet dog. He had to be put to sleep two years ago this Thursday, due to kidney disease. It was totally heartbreaking. we were all there, husband, son and me, and as the last needle was put into the IV and he drifted off, he heard us telling him we loved him.
    Now I have Lucy Speedracer. A psychotic cat who probably would have had to go to a shelter too. She wuvs her people and they wuv her.

  27. Thanks for sharing this story. I have adopted about 20 dogs up to now, mostly are homeless dogs hanging around the street. Hope this story will touch more people to adopt more dogs.

  28. Holy crap, that sent me off. A complete blubbering mess.
    Even re-reading it after a 4th time, it still sets me off.

    Here’s a little picture of our little muppet ‘Kirby’.
    He’s a little older now, and looks a lot like your pup.

    Thanks for sharing.

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