38 thoughts on “Sunday Open Mic”

  3. A British war correspondent approached a battle-scarred Australian soldier during a particularly nasty battle in WWII and asked him, “Did you come here to die?”

    To which the Aussie replied, “No, mate, I came here yesterday.”

  4. Save The World’s Airlines

    Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place

    Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell — They don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss?

    The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a ‘party atmosphere’ going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

    Because of the tips, female flight attendants would not need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and ‘special services.’

    Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

    This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right — a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

    Why didn’t Bush or Obama think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

    Sincerely,

    –Bill Clinton

  10. DJ,
    Your idea appeals to a fraction of the traveling public. We should also have planes with male strippers, so that the female flying public has something to laugh about look at.

  12. PiB – Not my idea…that’s not my signature. But as to your idea…I’m not sure…it’s just not grabbin’ me. Maybe we should run it by Bella. How would that work exactly? Segregated planes?..I don’t want to have to sit thru hours of man-pole dancing on my way to the BABBQ. How many times can you read the Skymall catalogue LOL??

    But you did make me think of one of my favorite SNL skits, with Chris Farley and Patrick Swayze:
    http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/19743/

  16. The house centipede. Apparently it was originally from the old world but was brought over to america about 150 years ago. Since then it has changed a great deal.

    It likes damp dark places. Is rarely found outside of homes. It feeds off other household pests like cockroaches, ants, spiders.

    You only find them at twilight when there is nothing but the glow of the tv. It comes out and crawls around. They can sting people with a mild venom. Nasty ugly fuckers.

  18. I’m in, just get Joe Rogan to be my flight attendant. Shirtless. He’s funny, he looks good without a shirt, he likes to party, he can hold an intelligent conversation, and who’d need an air marshall? He could kick the terrorist’s ass!

  21. Paul – Put in a word for me if you get hired…Maybe we can work the northern British Columbia to St. Louis route.

  23. Sorry DJ, I ran in the opposite direction of the applications for that particular type of work. What’s the appeal to the BC to St L route?

  25. I don’t know Isiah! I lived in Bflo for 13 years and never saw one of those! Are you sure that you don’t live in Buffalo, Namibia?

  28. Well, Paul, you have Bella at one end and the BABBQ at the other! Sounds like fun!
    !! Hi Janet !!
    Isiah–let’s be reasonable, huh? This is not the time or the place to perform some kind of a half-assed autopsy on a bug… And I’m not going to stand here and see that thing cut open and see that little Kintner boy spill out all over the dock.

  31. Hi Janet! Is everything still green in your corner? I don’t care if that bug is harmless, it is seriously M.F.’n ugly. No way would it live in my house.

  37. Ok, it’s tuesday, but….
    If you came to México someday, please, PLEASE, try to speak in spanish….
    thanks!

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