Tiger Woods crashed his car near his home in the Orlando Florida area. Isn’t it about time for some Tiger jokes?
Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars.
Now he has a hole in one.I finally out-drove Tiger Woods.
What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball?
Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.it’s really not that surprising. everyone knows driving is the worst part of his game.
Tiger Woods wasn’t seriously injured in the crash, but he’s still below par.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
They went clubbing.Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree.
He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.Tiger Woods just announced that he is enrolling in Chris Brown’s school of self-defense.
He should of used a driver …
What do a golf ball and an SUV have in common? Tiger Woods drives both into trees on occasion.
Hollywood are making a film based on this incident:
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.What’s the difference between Tiger’s Cadillac and his pitching wedge?
He can back up his pitching wedge!
Wow–that was quick.
And some of the jokes are even funny.
Steve Williams is worried. He heard Tiger’s getting a new Caddy.
I understand he was trying to decide which new product to pitch, Budweiser or Coors. His mistake was taking them out for a test drive.
Introducing the 2010 Cadillac Escalade TW Edition: fire hydrant hood ornament and 7-iron come as standard options.
What’s the bug deal? He’s been driving into the trees for years…
Sounds like the game Clue- It was Mrs.Woods..in the driveway..with the golf club
Who’s the real tiger? She was marking her territory and he, the dog, was looking for a tree or hydrant.
I knew Jonco wouldn’t let me down – I’ve been waiting on these. Thanks!
I don’t know what set Elin Woods off… All Tiger said was “Rachel has a much a tighter grip.”
Q – What are two differences between Tiger Woods and the Chicago Bears?
A – #1: Tiger Woods took a worse beating last weekend. #2: The Rams ARE playing next weekend.
Oops..goofed that ^ one up. But I hear Mrs. Woods is pregnant again. Tiger had another accident while trying to pull out.
I hear that Mizuno is coming out with a new set of “Rescue” clubs called The Tiger Slayer Edition signed by Elin Nordegrin. Don’t mess with a Viking holding onto a club.
DJ,
on a roll!
Obowma just had a last minute change…instead of 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, now sending only 10,000, plus Mrs. Woods and a plane-load of 9-irons.
President B.O. is looking for an exit strategy from Afghanistan. He should interview Tiger about his exit strategy from interviews by the cops.
Tiger Woods announced today that he would sit out from golf the rest of the year in order to heal from injuries received in a recent accident. Rumor has it that his wife Elin will be swinging the clubs in his
faceplace.Tiger Woods was allegedly cheating on his wife with another woman. In golf, I think they call that scoring a hole in two.
What really got Elin teed off was Tiger’s unplayable lie.
What did Tiger’s wife do with the leftover turkey from Thanksgiving dinner?
She made him a club sandwich.
Pulling out of this weekend’s tournament was a lot easier than pulling out of his driveway, eh?
Bet he keeps his club in his own bag from now on.
Darn it. Tiger was a mailbox and a utility pole short of his first “grand slam.”
Elin Woods has a twin sister, Josephine. If you look closely, it’s easy to tell them apart. Elin is the one swinging a 9 iron.
Lately his putz have been all over the place.
Where’s Scott?
Yay DJ! You’re doing just fine on your own.
Maybe he and Rachel were playing poke her. The king of clubs was beat by the queen of clubs after he was caught holding Rachel’s pair.
Dunno, best I could do.
DJ,
OK, I’ve got to respond to Obowma. He is not the first president to bow to foreign leaders. Here’s Eisenhower bowing to, sacre bleu!! Charles De Gaulle
And Tricky Dick did the same
Of course, W never had to bow, he just….
Tiger’s wife isn’t too disappointed. Not only will she collect a lot of money, but she claims that sex with Tiger was below par- he always shot that hole in less than 4 strokes!
How about a cross post:
Elin: Tiger, I set you up a hunting date with Dick Cheney.
Tiger: @#$%!!!!
As Wanda Sykes said on Saturday night:
The black guy in him bought the Escalade and the Asian guy in him crashed it.
P in B – Geez Paul, there’s a difference between those head nods and this…
And let’s leave W’s sex life out of this…
On closer inspection, I don’t think that Eisenhower is bowing to DeGaulle. It looks more like he is spitting in Charlie’s hand.
LOOKS LIKE TIGER IS JUST A TURKEY
I wonder if Nike will introduce a Tiger indorsed condom? It could have a sexy tiger print and perhaps the Nike swoosh. I know Trojan dominates this market, but Nike always seems to beat out stiff competition.
One more thing…..is there any truth to the rumor that Jaimee Grubbs belongs to the Audubon Society? She’s reported to have seen an extremely rare wood-pecker upwards of 20 times.
NIKE COMMERCIAL
Tiger is at the practice tees and is showing his clubs to a pretty girl from ESPN. First he pulls out his driver and explains its length of shaft and the power head and the final move in his swing to generate power and control. Next he demonstrates where he places his hands by letting her grip it while he guides her as he is standing behind her as she bends over the shaft.
As she giggles and he smiles….
The camera pans to the left….Elin is standing there holding his balls !
The byline……she says….F O R E !!!
The the camera pans left and Tiger is wearing a Hockey Mask with the name Nike across the forehead
Byline….NIKE..FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO PLAY A ROUND
A couple were on their honeymoon, laying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I`m not a virgin.”
The husband replies, “That`s no big thing in this day and age.”
The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one other guy.”
“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”
“Tiger Woods.”
“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”
“Yeah.”
“Well he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
“What are you doing?” says the wife.
“I`m hungry. I was going to call room service and get some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes Over to the phone.
“What are you doing now?” she says.
“I`m still hungry so I was going to ring room service and order some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it one more time.”
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time. When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”
“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what’s par for this hole !”
Tiger is now wearing a new aftershave Called “Nowegion Iron” its strong and can rearrange your facial features.
When Tiger quits Golf he is starting up a new career “Driving Instructor Crash Survival”
Tiger is now wearing a new aftershave Called “Nowegion Iron” its strong and can rearrange your facial features
Tigers just ordered a new SUV special additions Bulletproof Windows and Autopilot
Didnt tiger always say his favorite hole was the 14th at augusta . . . . lying bast**d !!
Tiger’s wife want’s him to change his name to something more Scandinavian
“S ven Iron”
Tiger get divorced from Elin and you will be free to do what ever you want to do when you get ready. Paying her 55 million is just like paying a prostitute only it cost a lot more!
Tiger’s putter wants another nutter butter. Tiger, why are you paying off bimbos to keep quiet only to turn around and see them release the goods to various news stations. Rachel Uchitel’s text messages you sent her are now all over the news. Didn’t you just pay this woman a cool Mil? You can’t be that much of a sucker- well maybe you are.
whats the diff between santa and tiger? Santa stops at three hoes.
Tiger does not have to worry about losing the Gillet sponsorship
Viagara Cialis and Levitra are queuing up to replace them. Sex sells