Texts from last night

Remember that text you shouldn’t have sent last night?  We do

Here are a few examples:

  • (615): i’ve been called drunk 4 times today and it’s only 3pm
  • (972): It’s sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack…I’m getting old
  • (402): The walk of shame isn’t so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
  • (502): All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
  • (910): He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
  • (972): I just named my vagina “The Boneyard”
    (1-972): More like “Chia Pet”
  • (480): I texted her sayin “I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw” maybe hint to do the same
  • (636): maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
  • (937): I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
  • (209): I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
  • (970): She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
  • (513): theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
  • (850): I’m gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
  • (214): I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow…by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you’re probably excited
    (1-214): I think you mean your blister is filled with pus…atleast i hope
  • (843): At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump

Texts from last night

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2 thoughts on “Texts from last night”

  1. TFLN is the best thing that ever happened to the world. <3 Been my home page forever, it makes for a great giggle every time I pull up the internet.

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