#1 – Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. You then own her.
(Deuteronomy 21:11-13) See among the captives a beautiful woman, and have a desire for her and would take her as a wife for yourself, then you shall shave her head and trim her nails. She shall also remove her clothes and shall remain in your house, and you may go in to her and be her husband and she shall be your wife.
#2 – Find a prostitute and marry her.
(Hosea 1:1-3) the Lord said to Hosea, “Go, take to yourself a wife of harlotry and have children of harlotry.”
#3 – Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
(Ruth 4:5-10) Moreover, along with this land, I have traded for Ruth the Moabitess, the widow of Mahlon, to be my wife.
#4 – Pick the dancer you like.
(Judges 21:19-25) The sons of Benjamin took wives according to their number from those who danced, whom they carried away.
#5 – Cut off 200 foreskins of soldiers to get a wife.
(I Samuel 18:27) David struck down two hundred men among the Philistines. Then David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. So Saul gave him Michal his daughter for a wife.
#6 – Hold a beauty contest, and pick your favorite.
(Esther 2:3) “They gather every beautiful young virgin to the citadel of Susa, to the harem, and let their cosmetics be given them. Then let the young lady who pleases the king be queen in place of Vashti.
#7 – Spot a woman you like, and demand your parents get her for you.
(Judges 14:2) So he came back and told his father and mother, “I saw a woman in Timnah, one of the daughters of the Philistines; now therefore, get her for me as a wife.”
#8 – Snoop on her bathing, send your henchmen to take her.
(2 Samuel 11) David arose from his bed and walked around on the roof of the king’s house, and from the roof he saw a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful in appearance. David sent messengers and took her, and when she came to him, he lay with her; she became his wife; then she bore him a son.
You missed another method. They can be claimed as a spoil of war.
“They waged war as god had commanded them and killed every male. But they kept the women as captives and took their wealth as spoil. Moses was enraged. ‘So you spared the women? Kill every woman who has had sexual intercourse and kill every little boy, but keep the virgin girls for yourself. Divide them up evenly.'” Num. 31:7, 14
Foreskins must have been worth more back in the day.
Pick the dancer you like
this is my favourite. My old history professor mentioned that some groups would have there women strip tease by the battle field to distract the enemy.
Here’s another one: “A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed.” Deuteronomy 22:13-21
Of COURSE every word in the bible should be taken as the word of God!
I dunno Larry, if some nutcase plonks 200 foreskins on a table in front of me I’m liable to give him whatever he asks.
You can always call the police (and the psych wagon) while he’s planning his wedding.
Yeah, but the new testament has some wisdom in it:
Mark 10:17-25
17 As he went out into the street, a man came running up, greeted him with great reverence, and asked, “Good Teacher, what must I do to get eternal life?”
18-19 Jesus said, “Why are you calling me good? No one is good, only God. You know the commandments: Don’t murder, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, honor your father and mother.”
20 He said, “Teacher, I have—from my youth—kept them all!”
21 Jesus looked him hard in the eye—and loved him! He said, “There’s one thing left: Go sell whatever you own and give it to the poor. All your wealth will then be heavenly wealth. And come follow me.”
22 The man’s face clouded over. This was the last thing he expected to hear, and he walked off with a heavy heart. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and not about to let go.
23-25 Looking at his disciples, Jesus said, “Do you have any idea how difficult it is for people who ‘have it all’ to enter God’s kingdom?” The disciples couldn’t believe what they were hearing, but Jesus kept on: “You can’t imagine how difficult. I’d say it’s easier for a camel to go through a needle’s eye than for the rich to get into God’s kingdom.”
I am pretty sure Esther was describing society, not commands. Also, this is typically what happens when a bunch of old guys write the laws. There’s more than one reason it’s called the OLD testament.
You can find something in the Bible to suit anything. It’s the nature of how it is written. Take this exceprt from Leviticus, for example:
“And they gathered themselves in an inn by the road side.
And did the serving women and scullions parade themselves basely before them
So that the chaste men knew not where to turn their gaze for fear of an impious tumescence.
But then did one among them stand boldly forth and he feared not the wrath of God
And showed himself proudly, for he was an Infidel, and spake in the tongue of his kind:
“DA YUM!” he called. “Most lustily would I smite them.”
Dayum Maffu I’m LMAO, good one!
Maffu – yep, through the ages, people have quoted the Bible out of context to suit their point of view. That is why it is important to look at passages, not just a verse or two.
J-red: you are right, Esther is describing the process women went through in order to be considered by the king to be his wife/queen (and that process typically took about 18 months, but Esther was so beautiful it took her only half that time). Also, Hosea was commanded to marry a prostitute as a reflection on how the Jews were acting, particularly against God.
In Ruth, I believe that was the standard of the day–like giving a dowry to the woman’s family in order to marry that woman.
As for the stories of David: while he was a man of God and well respected, he did many things that were not right. For us, that is to show us that as God blessed David even though he did many wrong things (and was forgiven), He will forgive us and accept us if We ask Him to and believe in Him.
Reader: keep in mind that it is difficult to get into Heaven when rich because a person can only serve on master; in this case, either his riches or God. There are many people who were rich on earth that are now in Heaven. Also, keep in mind that two of the richest people in the Bible were Abraham and Job (who happen to be very Godly people, one being the father of God’s people).
Gary, that should be DAYUM!
Too late, Jonco. I needed this list BEFORE I went to Atlanta.
(^#6? = Jessica.)
And all this damn time and money I wasted on dinner and a movie.
DAYUM! Jonco, you’re right! Thanks
“keep in mind that it is difficult to get into Heaven when rich because a person can only serve on master; in this case, either his riches or God. There are many people who were rich on earth that are now in Heaven. Also, keep in mind that two of the richest people in the Bible were Abraham and Job (who happen to be very Godly people, one being the father of God’s people).”
Nice try to feel better about yourself, Tim.
Reader – what do you mean? Pointing truths out from the Bible is supposed to make me feel good? In a way, it does–that means I remember what I have learned.
Unfortunately reader, the meaning here is less than clear.
1. Literal translation. A camel cannot possibly go through the eye of a needle, therefore a rich man cannot enter heaven.
2. Double meaning. The word for ‘camel’ is also the word for yarn made of camel hair. It is difficult, but not impossible, for the camel hair yarn to go through the eye of the needle, therefore it is difficult, but not impossible for the rich man to enter heaven.
3. Historical context. In Jerusalem, the gates were closed at night, all except one security gate. The gate was small and narrow, and in order for a camel to go through, the camel had to be completely unloaded, and ‘walked’ through the gate … on its knees. The gate was sometimes called “The Eye of the Needle”. Therefore, for a rich man to enter heaven, he must be light the camel entering Jerusalem by night at “The Eye of the Needle”: he must unburden himself of all he carries, and approach piously … on his knees in reverence to God.
The bible is loaded with these multiple meanings.
Yeah, and those who most like to quote the bible are the ones who find the best meanings to suit their own views.
Thank you all for knowing what point I was making but ignoring it.
If Jesus was alive he would cry for the lack of empathy shown by the people who claim to love him the most.
Deuteronomy 25:11.
Read it, if you dare!
Reader, we are quite aware of religious dogma.
Reader – that was the point I made also–that is why I said that one needs to read and quote passages, not just a verse or two. In fact, if you study the whole Bible, you will notice an interconnectedness that most do not see because they have not read the entire Bible concentrating on comprehension.
And what do you mean “if Jesus was alive today?” Did you not catch what happened three days after He was crucified–that He arose from the dead? And about 50 or so days after that, He finally went to Heaven (after being seen by His disciples and many others)? Oh, He is alive and well–just no longer walking as a human among us.
I don’t believe in children tales, sorry.
Thor will punish you for this, Reader!
funny but all misquoted. you can google the real text and see what was changed.