Looking for a first car for your teenager?

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Here’s the car for you.

Just a few of the reasons why it’s the car for your teen:

  • 37 MPG
  • It’s slow as shit
  • 4 doors
  • 5 speed
  • Embarrassing to be seen it

Buy this car for your teen (Post Removed)

The guy that wrote this ad should go into marketing.

via

Update:  The above link doesn’t work any longer but Scott S. had the listing saved in his computer cache and was kind enough to share it with us:

Looking for a first car for a teen? This car is absolutely brilliant. It’s got low mileage (68k), has been super reliable, and is excellent on gas. Since you’re likely paying for the gas, this will make things much cheaper on you. I average like 37MPG to a tank. And with such low mileage, it’ll work great for a long long time.

But you wanna know the best reason to buy this car for your kid?

CarIt’s slow as shit. You don’t have to worry about speeding tickets or accidents in this baby. Your kid could have a 1 mile run and hit a brick wall not wearing a seatbelt and not be going fast enough to do shit. And there won’t be any sense in him getting some shitty ass fart can off of eBay – this car has the super slow SPI engine, no sense in trying to make it any faster. It’s a 4-door, so your kid won’t try to put gay ass Lambo doors on it. It is still possible to fit this with a body kit, but if you’d like, for an extra $200, I can stab him in the face if he does this.

It’s a 5-speed, so your kid can’t talk on his cell phone while playing Gameboy and smoking pot – he’ll have to actually pay attention. It also means you won’t have to pay for an automatic transmission when your kid beats the hell out of it. It’s got a new clutch and new tires, so you’ll know if he does burnouts. After all, I’m sure YOU’RE the one paying for tires, right? It’s got an aftermarket head unit in it, so your kid won’t fuck it up when him and his buddies try to wire in a “phat ass system”. It’s already had the speakers replaced too, so he won’t have to tear the door cards on and then look like a retard when he can’t get them back on. It’s got manual windows too, so he can’t fuck up the window motors when he rolls one of his friends heads up in it as a joke. A new battery means when he leaves his headlights on, it won’t leave you totally stranded.

But really though, one of the best parts is that, because it is a 4 door, it will be somewhat embarrassing for him to be seen in. I’m sure you get pissed at him from time to time. Hell, you’re probably mad at him for harassing you into buying him a first car. So get this one. It has no A/C, so you’ll know he’s suffering every time you get mad at him. Pretty satisfying. It’ll bring a smile to your face too, to know he’s rolling around looking like a faggot in a Ford Focus.

So buy this car for your kid. You won’t regret it.

  • Location: Coconut Creek
  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Thanks Scott

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9 thoughts on “Looking for a first car for your teenager?”

  5. Sounds like the car my dad bought me. A’78 Plymouth Sapporo, except it was only $500. Not equiped with AC, no power steering, slow, burned oil, bumpers nearly rusted off. Anytime I washed it, it would return the favor and break down. Got my first memorable kiss in it though, so it must not have been too bad.

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  6. 65 Chevy Corvair Monza Super Sport. Canary yellow, 4 separate carbs, no heat in winter, sprayed oil so much you couldn’t read the rear license tag, shook like it was exploding in slow motion over 45 mph. What a dog. When the mechanic saw me coming, he’d hide in the bathroom.
    But I sure wish I had that dayum thing sitting under a tarp in a barn somewhere today. And ditto to Scott on the first memorable & stuff.

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