At the Big Ass BBQ, cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. Richard asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. Revrick asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the Gary’s turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, “To hell with your goddam canoes!”
A man survives a shipwreck and washes up on a beach of a deserted island. There he lives for years with no human contact, longing for companionship until one day he notices something on the beach. Running down, he discovers a beautiful woman, also the lone survivor of a shipwreck washed up on the beach.
He revives her and she tells him her story of how she was shipwrecked but managed to survive by clinging to a cargo container which washed up with her. Now, doubly excited, he asks: “what’s in the cargo container?”. She tells him “it contains almost everything you would need to survive for years and years. in fact just name something that you have bbeen longing for and I will get it for you”. He thinks a while and says “I haven’t had a steak in years. I would love to eat a steak”. At that, she runs down the beach to the container pulls out a coleman stove, a frying pan and a steak and prepares it for him. He eats it and can’t imagine that life could get better.
She then asks him, “isn’t there anything else that you would like”? After thinking about it he said, “I haven’t played a video game in years! I wish I could just sit and play a video game once more”. She ran back to the container and came back with a PSP and several games which he played for hours. He again wonders, could life get any better?
Once again, she asks him, “is there anything else you want”? Thinking long and hard, he says he cannot think of a thing. She asks again, “come on! can’t you think of just one thing that you haven’t had in years? Something a little more on the physical side”? Thinking once again he says, “I dunno! I just can’t imagine anything that could make this any better” to which she coyly responded, “well, wouldn’t you like to play around”? His eyes get wide and he sits up with great excitement and says, “Don’t tell me you’ve also got a set of golf clubs in there”!
Two friends met on the street and the first noticed that the second one had two black eyes. “What happened to you?” said the first. The second guy said “I was in church Sunday when I noticed that the lady in the pew in front of me had a wedgie in her dress, so I reached forward and pulled it out. She turned around and slugged me in my right eye”. “So how did you get the other black eye?” “I figured that she wanted the wedgie left alone, so I reached forward and tucked it back in.”
Hey is there anyone here from Indianapolis?
Ugh, that might be scary Deborah. LOL @ Mower.
Lots of beer might work, lots and lots of beer.
Anybody else having the heat wave? I suppose so.
I’m going to the store to get some ice. A big block of
it to put in front of the fan. Just after noon here and
the heat is killing me and my poor puppies.
Might have to be a cold beer day, today.
great I can do the cave man boogie for everybody
Sorry Bella, I’m not feeling it in Florida, we rarely get above 90.
A reporter is assigned a human interest story so he goes to a farm where the farmer is purported to have a pig with one wooden leg. When he arrives at the farm, sure enough he is greeted by the farmer accompanied by a pig with a wooden leg. The reporter begins to question the farmer about his pig saying “can you tell me the story of why your pig has a wooden leg”? The farmer looks him hard in the eye and says, “you see that pig over there? That little pink pig? That is one special pig! Why just last year, the farm house caught on fire late at night and we all would have died except that pig, that little pink pig busted down the door and hauled each of us outside to safety! That is one special pig!
The reporter responds, “Wow! that IS impressive! but that still doesn’t tell me how he got his wooden leg. Did it get burnt in the fire”?
The farmer replies, “No, no, you don’t get it! Let me tell you another story. Why just last month, I was out plowing the north forty when my tractor ran over a rock and flipped, crushing my leg and trapping me underneath. I thought I was a goner when suddenly, over top of the hill, I see a pink figure racing toward me. It was the pig! Well, that pig, that little pink pig starts a diggin’ under the tractor, working for over an hour until his little pink pigs feet were bloody and worn to the bone. He digs me free from under the tractor, and I am alive today because of that heroic little pink pig”!
The reporter again stands amazed at this little pink marvel. He says to the farmer, “That IS one amazing pig! But I still don’t understand. How did he lose his leg? did he get an infection from digging under the tractor? Did the tractor crush HIS leg”?
The farmer responds to the reporter, “You city folk jes don’t git it, do ya? You see, when you have a pig that special, you don’t want to eat him all at once”!
Meat is murder! Tasty, tasty murder!
Infi, you really are popular with the ladies:
oops that link is NSFW ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ sorry I forgot to say that
Deborah was sitting home alone one day as usual since DJ was always out drinking and hell raising. She read an article in the paper about a new animal that had been acquired by the zoo. It was called a Fuzzy Wuzzy and was considered to be the most ferocious animal in the world.
She was interested in seeing the animal so she visited the zoo that afternoon to view it. Looking in the cage, all she saw was a small furry mound. She asked the guard what was the big deal about a little animal like that. The guard told her if you called out loudly, the animal would be startled and attack the nearest living thing with hugh fangs and claws.
Having an idea, she waited til the guard was not looking and reached into the cage and put the little guy in her purse.
When she got home, she put the animal under the covers of her bed and waited for DJ. Finally about midnight, he came rolling home, drunk as a skunk. When he came into the bedroom, he spotted the lump under the covers and said “What the he11 is that thing?” Deb walked over to the doorway saying “It’s a Fuzzy Wuzzy.” DJ became suspicious, pulled back the cover and in a loud voice said “Fuzzy Wuzzy my ass.”
I’m here in Vegas. We’re actually having a bit of a cold spell. It’s only 93 degrees! That’s the coolest it’s been in 3 weeks. It wouldn’t be bad, but this is our “monsoon season”. You would think that means we get torrential rains all day long. No, it means that we get about 1/4 inch over the course of 24 hours. The real downside to this is that the humididty skyrockets. It has been over 60% for the last week or 2. That doesn’t sound bad to you easterners who deal with 98% on a regular basis, but when it gets to 110 degrees, 60% will make you miserable.
Never did like canoes anyway.
Deb was that your boo-tay
LOL @ Richard, great joke!
(Another) Scott, Yeah, it’s pretty nice for AZ too. 96 right now, it’s supposed to get in the 100s tomorrow. Our monsoon has been on and off. It’s supposed to rain tonight. The weather is so unpredictable here.
Infi, I wish!
Deb if you have gmail try and join us around 10:00 in the morning
What are you up to infidel?
That’s Sunday morning BTW.
just sitting in the ac its like super hot outside
you too DJ,10:00 east coast time
Bella – Very mild summer here in N Ohio. Should be around 90 every day, but we only hit that 2 or 3 days way back in June. Right now it’s 74 and breezy. We’ve been running 10-15 degrees below normal all summer. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. Sposed to be around 80 for the next week again. Nights mid 60s and great sleeping weather. I don’t think I’ve run the A/C 5 days all summer.
I should be there infi.
I don’t have A/C that’s my problem. Gotta get it.
Yah, Deb…join us in the morning, we have a lot of Sunday fun.
bye everybody,chat with you in the morning, oops I might not be there till 10:30 I gotta go to the gym
Bella – That heat has gotta be hell on the igloo, eh?
LOL @ DJ
Yeah, and DeRosa got off to a rough start, but after he found his groove he hit 3 homers in 2 days.
Hey Jonco, I owe you a belated happy bday.
OK Bella/Bitsy/Deboraaaaah – found this for ya: (maybe NSFW)
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Scott sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Infidel was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked Scott what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”
The doctor inquired of Scott what Infidel was doing. He replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.”
The doctor looks up and notices Infidel’s face is going all red.
The doctor asks Scott, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself”
Scott replies, “What? And work in the dark?”
An elderly lady walks up to a teller at the Chase Manhattan Bank one day, lugging a heavy shopping bag. “May I help you?” asks the teller. “I’d like to make a deposit,” replies the lady. “Certainly. I can help you with that,” says the teller, “And how much would you like to deposit today?”
“Three million dollars in cash,” says the lady. The teller asks the lady to wait for a minute, and disappears into the back office to talk to a vice president. The vice president comes out to the counter and says to the lady, “I understand that you have a rather large cash deposit that you’d like to make today.” “Yes,” says the lady, as she pulls out several bundles of crisp hundred dollar bills. The vice president decides that the bank president should handle this, so after a short phone call, two bank guards escort the lady to the elevator, and up to the bank president’s office.
The bank president greets the lady, and asks her to have a seat. “I’m told that you would like to deposit three million dollars in cash,” he says. “That’s right,” says the lady, as she again pulls bundles of large bills from the shopping bag. “I’m sure we can help,” says the banker, “but, tell me, where did you get so much cash? Did you inherit the money?” “No,” replies the woman, “I like to gamble.” “Oh, so did you hit the lottery, or have a run of luck in Vegas?” asks the banker. “Actually, I like to place bets- sometimes very large bets,” says the lady. “I see,” says the banker. “What kind of bets?” “Oh, I like to bet on most anything, and I usually win,” says the lady. Still puzzled, the banker says, “I’m still not quite sure what you mean, can you be more specific about these ‘bets’?” “Oh, I don’t know,” says the lady. “Are you a betting man?” she asks the banker. “Well, sometimes,” he replies. “Then,” she says, “I’ll bet you a hundred thousand dollars that by 10 o’clock tomorrow morning, your balls will be square.” She then places several bundles of the hundred dollar bills on the banker’s desk. The bank president, taken aback by the lady’s brazen but apparent insanity, decides to go along with this crazy woman’s game, quite confident that he can’t lose this one, but mostly because he doesn’t want to lose the business. “Okay, it’s a bet,” says the banker,” reaching out to shake the woman’s hand. “Fine,” she says, as she rises from the chair, “I’ll be back tomorrow morning at 10 o’clock sharp to collect my money.” The banker arranges for the woman’s deposit, and bids her goodbye, as she is escorted out by the guard.
The next morning, as 10 o’clock nears, the bank president keeps glancing up at his wall clock, wondering if the crazy woman will show up. At 9:58, he looks around to make sure no one is watching, and reaches down into his pants for a quick check. With a nervous chuckle, he shakes his head and returns to his work. He is startled when his phone rings, and looks up to see that it is exactly 10 o’clock. His secretary is calling to announce that the lady is back to see him, along with another man, whom she says is her lawyer. The banker tells his secretary to show them in.
After the lady has introduced the bank president to her lawyer, the banker asks them to have a seat. “What can I do for you today?” asks the banker. “Remember our bet yesterday?” asks the lady. “Oh, of course,” he smiles, “and I can assure you that nothing has, um, changed, if you know what I mean. But, since you’re a good customer of this bank, I don’t intend to hold you to your obligation.”
“Hold on a second,” says the woman, “I never welsh on a bet, and if I’m going to pay you that kind of money, I want proof! Now, drop your drawers, young man!” The embarrassed banker, not wanting to lose this obviously crazy- but nonetheless wealthy- customer, gingerly loosens his belt, and lowers his trousers a bit. The lady reaches out to feel the “evidence”, shrugs, and places a stack of hunderd dollar bills on the banker’s desk.
As the banker adjusts his belt, he looks over to see the lawyer, sitting next to the wall, banging his head repeatedly against the wall. “What’s wrong with him?” asks the banker. “Oh, he’s just a sore loser,” says the woman. “What do you mean?” querries the banker. The woman looks up and replies, “Well, just yesterday I bet him two million dollars that, by 10 o’clock today, I’d have the president of Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls!”
Like that old joke… How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but only if Infidel wants to change.
A man is speeding down a narrow mountain road, when a woman comes hurtling round the corner. He swerves to avoid her, but as she passes she leans out the window and screams ‘PIG!!!!!!!’
Astonished, the man turns and yells back, ‘BITCH!’ as he reaches the bend and crashes into a pig.
DeRosa belongs with the Cubbies, end of story.
10am Eastern time.. 7am Arizona time… sorry guys I’m going to have to pass, I’d like to but that’s way earlier than I’d like to wake up on a Sunday.
We usually go on for a couple hours, prob till around noon or past, Eastern.
One night, a man rolls over in bed and gives his wife a big, knowing grin. Immediately realizing his intentions she says,
“Not tonight darling. I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow morning and I want to stay fresh and clean.”
Dejected and disappointed, the man rolls over and tries to get to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over and prods his wife again.
“Tell me, do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow, too?”
While redecorating a church, three nuns become extremely hot and sweaty in their habits, so Mother Superior says, “Let’s take our clothes off, and work naked.”
The other two nuns disapprove, and ask, “What if someone sees us?”
But the Mother Superior says, “Don’t worry, no one will see us, we’ll just lock the door.”
So the other nuns agree, strip down and return to work.
Suddenly, they hear a knock at the door, and grab their clothes in a panic.
Mother Superior runs to the door and calls through, “Who is it?”
“Just the blind man,” a man’s voice comes back.
So she opens the door and lets in the blind man, who turns to the nuns and says, “Those are some real great bazongas, ladies, now where do you want these blinds?”
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said: “Here, put these on.”
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
“I can’t wear your trousers,” she said.
“That’s right,” said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the one who wears the trousers in this relationship.”
With that she flipped him her knickers and said: “Try these on.”
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
“Hell,” he said. ”I can’t get into your knickers!”
She replied: “That’s right… and that’s the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes.”
I’m pacific time, I’m not a wuss!!! See ya in the morning. 🙂 XOXO
LOL @ DJ…the dentist appointment. lol
See ya in the morning!
Deborah – DeRosa ought to still be with the Braves. He was a great teammate.
Sheesh…Atlanta. Texas. Chicago. Cleveland. St. Louie.
At the Big Ass BBQ, cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. Richard asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. Revrick asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the Gary’s turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, “To hell with your goddam canoes!”
A man survives a shipwreck and washes up on a beach of a deserted island. There he lives for years with no human contact, longing for companionship until one day he notices something on the beach. Running down, he discovers a beautiful woman, also the lone survivor of a shipwreck washed up on the beach.
He revives her and she tells him her story of how she was shipwrecked but managed to survive by clinging to a cargo container which washed up with her. Now, doubly excited, he asks: “what’s in the cargo container?”. She tells him “it contains almost everything you would need to survive for years and years. in fact just name something that you have bbeen longing for and I will get it for you”. He thinks a while and says “I haven’t had a steak in years. I would love to eat a steak”. At that, she runs down the beach to the container pulls out a coleman stove, a frying pan and a steak and prepares it for him. He eats it and can’t imagine that life could get better.
She then asks him, “isn’t there anything else that you would like”? After thinking about it he said, “I haven’t played a video game in years! I wish I could just sit and play a video game once more”. She ran back to the container and came back with a PSP and several games which he played for hours. He again wonders, could life get any better?
Once again, she asks him, “is there anything else you want”? Thinking long and hard, he says he cannot think of a thing. She asks again, “come on! can’t you think of just one thing that you haven’t had in years? Something a little more on the physical side”? Thinking once again he says, “I dunno! I just can’t imagine anything that could make this any better” to which she coyly responded, “well, wouldn’t you like to play around”? His eyes get wide and he sits up with great excitement and says, “Don’t tell me you’ve also got a set of golf clubs in there”!
Two friends met on the street and the first noticed that the second one had two black eyes. “What happened to you?” said the first. The second guy said “I was in church Sunday when I noticed that the lady in the pew in front of me had a wedgie in her dress, so I reached forward and pulled it out. She turned around and slugged me in my right eye”. “So how did you get the other black eye?” “I figured that she wanted the wedgie left alone, so I reached forward and tucked it back in.”
Hey is there anyone here from Indianapolis?
Ugh, that might be scary Deborah. LOL @ Mower.
Lots of beer might work, lots and lots of beer.
Anybody else having the heat wave? I suppose so.
I’m going to the store to get some ice. A big block of
it to put in front of the fan. Just after noon here and
the heat is killing me and my poor puppies.
Might have to be a cold beer day, today.
great I can do the cave man boogie for everybody
Sorry Bella, I’m not feeling it in Florida, we rarely get above 90.
A reporter is assigned a human interest story so he goes to a farm where the farmer is purported to have a pig with one wooden leg. When he arrives at the farm, sure enough he is greeted by the farmer accompanied by a pig with a wooden leg. The reporter begins to question the farmer about his pig saying “can you tell me the story of why your pig has a wooden leg”? The farmer looks him hard in the eye and says, “you see that pig over there? That little pink pig? That is one special pig! Why just last year, the farm house caught on fire late at night and we all would have died except that pig, that little pink pig busted down the door and hauled each of us outside to safety! That is one special pig!
The reporter responds, “Wow! that IS impressive! but that still doesn’t tell me how he got his wooden leg. Did it get burnt in the fire”?
The farmer replies, “No, no, you don’t get it! Let me tell you another story. Why just last month, I was out plowing the north forty when my tractor ran over a rock and flipped, crushing my leg and trapping me underneath. I thought I was a goner when suddenly, over top of the hill, I see a pink figure racing toward me. It was the pig! Well, that pig, that little pink pig starts a diggin’ under the tractor, working for over an hour until his little pink pigs feet were bloody and worn to the bone. He digs me free from under the tractor, and I am alive today because of that heroic little pink pig”!
The reporter again stands amazed at this little pink marvel. He says to the farmer, “That IS one amazing pig! But I still don’t understand. How did he lose his leg? did he get an infection from digging under the tractor? Did the tractor crush HIS leg”?
The farmer responds to the reporter, “You city folk jes don’t git it, do ya? You see, when you have a pig that special, you don’t want to eat him all at once”!
Meat is murder! Tasty, tasty murder!
Infi, you really are popular with the ladies:
oops that link is NSFW ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ sorry I forgot to say that
Deborah was sitting home alone one day as usual since DJ was always out drinking and hell raising. She read an article in the paper about a new animal that had been acquired by the zoo. It was called a Fuzzy Wuzzy and was considered to be the most ferocious animal in the world.
She was interested in seeing the animal so she visited the zoo that afternoon to view it. Looking in the cage, all she saw was a small furry mound. She asked the guard what was the big deal about a little animal like that. The guard told her if you called out loudly, the animal would be startled and attack the nearest living thing with hugh fangs and claws.
Having an idea, she waited til the guard was not looking and reached into the cage and put the little guy in her purse.
When she got home, she put the animal under the covers of her bed and waited for DJ. Finally about midnight, he came rolling home, drunk as a skunk. When he came into the bedroom, he spotted the lump under the covers and said “What the he11 is that thing?” Deb walked over to the doorway saying “It’s a Fuzzy Wuzzy.” DJ became suspicious, pulled back the cover and in a loud voice said “Fuzzy Wuzzy my ass.”
I’m here in Vegas. We’re actually having a bit of a cold spell. It’s only 93 degrees! That’s the coolest it’s been in 3 weeks. It wouldn’t be bad, but this is our “monsoon season”. You would think that means we get torrential rains all day long. No, it means that we get about 1/4 inch over the course of 24 hours. The real downside to this is that the humididty skyrockets. It has been over 60% for the last week or 2. That doesn’t sound bad to you easterners who deal with 98% on a regular basis, but when it gets to 110 degrees, 60% will make you miserable.
Never did like canoes anyway.
Deb was that your boo-tay
LOL @ Richard, great joke!
(Another) Scott, Yeah, it’s pretty nice for AZ too. 96 right now, it’s supposed to get in the 100s tomorrow. Our monsoon has been on and off. It’s supposed to rain tonight. The weather is so unpredictable here.
Infi, I wish!
Deb if you have gmail try and join us around 10:00 in the morning
What are you up to infidel?
That’s Sunday morning BTW.
just sitting in the ac its like super hot outside
you too DJ,10:00 east coast time
Bella – Very mild summer here in N Ohio. Should be around 90 every day, but we only hit that 2 or 3 days way back in June. Right now it’s 74 and breezy. We’ve been running 10-15 degrees below normal all summer. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. Sposed to be around 80 for the next week again. Nights mid 60s and great sleeping weather. I don’t think I’ve run the A/C 5 days all summer.
I should be there infi.
I don’t have A/C that’s my problem. Gotta get it.
Yah, Deb…join us in the morning, we have a lot of Sunday fun.
bye everybody,chat with you in the morning, oops I might not be there till 10:30 I gotta go to the gym
Bella – That heat has gotta be hell on the igloo, eh?
LOL @ DJ
Yeah, and DeRosa got off to a rough start, but after he found his groove he hit 3 homers in 2 days.
Hey Jonco, I owe you a belated happy bday.
OK Bella/Bitsy/Deboraaaaah – found this for ya: (maybe NSFW)
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0723091naked1.html
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Scott sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Infidel was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked Scott what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”
The doctor inquired of Scott what Infidel was doing. He replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.”
The doctor looks up and notices Infidel’s face is going all red.
The doctor asks Scott, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself”
Scott replies, “What? And work in the dark?”
An elderly lady walks up to a teller at the Chase Manhattan Bank one day, lugging a heavy shopping bag. “May I help you?” asks the teller. “I’d like to make a deposit,” replies the lady. “Certainly. I can help you with that,” says the teller, “And how much would you like to deposit today?”
“Three million dollars in cash,” says the lady. The teller asks the lady to wait for a minute, and disappears into the back office to talk to a vice president. The vice president comes out to the counter and says to the lady, “I understand that you have a rather large cash deposit that you’d like to make today.” “Yes,” says the lady, as she pulls out several bundles of crisp hundred dollar bills. The vice president decides that the bank president should handle this, so after a short phone call, two bank guards escort the lady to the elevator, and up to the bank president’s office.
The bank president greets the lady, and asks her to have a seat. “I’m told that you would like to deposit three million dollars in cash,” he says. “That’s right,” says the lady, as she again pulls bundles of large bills from the shopping bag. “I’m sure we can help,” says the banker, “but, tell me, where did you get so much cash? Did you inherit the money?” “No,” replies the woman, “I like to gamble.” “Oh, so did you hit the lottery, or have a run of luck in Vegas?” asks the banker. “Actually, I like to place bets- sometimes very large bets,” says the lady. “I see,” says the banker. “What kind of bets?” “Oh, I like to bet on most anything, and I usually win,” says the lady. Still puzzled, the banker says, “I’m still not quite sure what you mean, can you be more specific about these ‘bets’?” “Oh, I don’t know,” says the lady. “Are you a betting man?” she asks the banker. “Well, sometimes,” he replies. “Then,” she says, “I’ll bet you a hundred thousand dollars that by 10 o’clock tomorrow morning, your balls will be square.” She then places several bundles of the hundred dollar bills on the banker’s desk. The bank president, taken aback by the lady’s brazen but apparent insanity, decides to go along with this crazy woman’s game, quite confident that he can’t lose this one, but mostly because he doesn’t want to lose the business. “Okay, it’s a bet,” says the banker,” reaching out to shake the woman’s hand. “Fine,” she says, as she rises from the chair, “I’ll be back tomorrow morning at 10 o’clock sharp to collect my money.” The banker arranges for the woman’s deposit, and bids her goodbye, as she is escorted out by the guard.
The next morning, as 10 o’clock nears, the bank president keeps glancing up at his wall clock, wondering if the crazy woman will show up. At 9:58, he looks around to make sure no one is watching, and reaches down into his pants for a quick check. With a nervous chuckle, he shakes his head and returns to his work. He is startled when his phone rings, and looks up to see that it is exactly 10 o’clock. His secretary is calling to announce that the lady is back to see him, along with another man, whom she says is her lawyer. The banker tells his secretary to show them in.
After the lady has introduced the bank president to her lawyer, the banker asks them to have a seat. “What can I do for you today?” asks the banker. “Remember our bet yesterday?” asks the lady. “Oh, of course,” he smiles, “and I can assure you that nothing has, um, changed, if you know what I mean. But, since you’re a good customer of this bank, I don’t intend to hold you to your obligation.”
“Hold on a second,” says the woman, “I never welsh on a bet, and if I’m going to pay you that kind of money, I want proof! Now, drop your drawers, young man!” The embarrassed banker, not wanting to lose this obviously crazy- but nonetheless wealthy- customer, gingerly loosens his belt, and lowers his trousers a bit. The lady reaches out to feel the “evidence”, shrugs, and places a stack of hunderd dollar bills on the banker’s desk.
As the banker adjusts his belt, he looks over to see the lawyer, sitting next to the wall, banging his head repeatedly against the wall. “What’s wrong with him?” asks the banker. “Oh, he’s just a sore loser,” says the woman. “What do you mean?” querries the banker. The woman looks up and replies, “Well, just yesterday I bet him two million dollars that, by 10 o’clock today, I’d have the president of Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls!”
Like that old joke… How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but only if Infidel wants to change.
A man is speeding down a narrow mountain road, when a woman comes hurtling round the corner. He swerves to avoid her, but as she passes she leans out the window and screams ‘PIG!!!!!!!’
Astonished, the man turns and yells back, ‘BITCH!’ as he reaches the bend and crashes into a pig.
DeRosa belongs with the Cubbies, end of story.
10am Eastern time.. 7am Arizona time… sorry guys I’m going to have to pass, I’d like to but that’s way earlier than I’d like to wake up on a Sunday.
We usually go on for a couple hours, prob till around noon or past, Eastern.
One night, a man rolls over in bed and gives his wife a big, knowing grin. Immediately realizing his intentions she says,
“Not tonight darling. I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow morning and I want to stay fresh and clean.”
Dejected and disappointed, the man rolls over and tries to get to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over and prods his wife again.
“Tell me, do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow, too?”
While redecorating a church, three nuns become extremely hot and sweaty in their habits, so Mother Superior says, “Let’s take our clothes off, and work naked.”
The other two nuns disapprove, and ask, “What if someone sees us?”
But the Mother Superior says, “Don’t worry, no one will see us, we’ll just lock the door.”
So the other nuns agree, strip down and return to work.
Suddenly, they hear a knock at the door, and grab their clothes in a panic.
Mother Superior runs to the door and calls through, “Who is it?”
“Just the blind man,” a man’s voice comes back.
So she opens the door and lets in the blind man, who turns to the nuns and says, “Those are some real great bazongas, ladies, now where do you want these blinds?”
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said: “Here, put these on.”
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
“I can’t wear your trousers,” she said.
“That’s right,” said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the one who wears the trousers in this relationship.”
With that she flipped him her knickers and said: “Try these on.”
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
“Hell,” he said. ”I can’t get into your knickers!”
She replied: “That’s right… and that’s the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes.”
I’m pacific time, I’m not a wuss!!! See ya in the morning. 🙂 XOXO
LOL @ DJ…the dentist appointment. lol
See ya in the morning!
Deborah – DeRosa ought to still be with the Braves. He was a great teammate.
Sheesh…Atlanta. Texas. Chicago. Cleveland. St. Louie.
Is he running from the law or something??