We’re off on a ride to Nashville Tennessee this weekend. Nashville is a little over 300 miles from here. Riding time is 5–6 hours in good weather. We might miss the rain going down there, but I think we’re going to get wet coming home tomorrow.
Open Mic Saturday.
Talk about whatever you want today.
You will see me coming.
http://www.promarksigns.com/browser.asp?Lev2List=A0Safety%20Signs&SrcTag=Yahoo&Start=0&EDI
“The Vulcan Neck Pinch is not half as powerful as the Vulcan Groin Kick, but it’s more politically correct.”
DJ, I see your avatar, for a conservative you have a pretty damn good sense of humor.
Hi, Richard.
My friend told me, “When i get home, I’m going to rip off my wife’s knickers”.
Me “Why is that? Feeling a bit frisky are we?”
Friend “No. they are too tight around my balls!”
Hey man,watch the attorney jokes. My sister an attorney, we lost her yesterday.
Unfortunately I do. It has served me well at times, like here. Other times not so much, like in school (teachers hated me) and in court during divorce proceedings (female judge). I try hard to keep my avatars amusing.
I admit tho that I’m a little surprised at your own sense of humor. Your president must’ve cheered you up lately…you’re coming out of your shell. You’ve always been the most thoughtful and logical(??!) liberal (that was hard to say) on here. Certain others (I won’t name names) just seem like haters.
Oh Jeez, Tehobu. Nobody meant any harm. Did your sister pass yesterday?
Pass? no she just got lost.Don’t worry,she usually find her way back home after she get over her drunk.
Whew, all is well then.
Don’t let one itty bitty divorce taint your life DJ. Some people have had 3 or 4 or more. We’re only here for this one so lets make it the best. I am saying that in jest but in truth.
DJ,
I’m actually both a US and British citizen. I was born at Burtonwood AFB, between Liverpool and Manchester, so I have both a US and British passport. (The British is certainly better for traveling through Europe.)
Thank you for your kind words about my political persuasion. Although I couldn’t site the specific thread back during the presidential campaign, I do recall we had a lengthy discourse about whatever the specific subject was, and our discussions have always been very, very civil. (I’m sure you will agree we both see screeching lunatics on both sides spewing vindictives and not at all engaging in a rational back and forth discourse.)
I have always had a dry sense of humor, and people I spend time with have commented on the quickness of some of the things I have said. Not to brag, but sometimes I make myself laugh.
I can assure you that your President isn’t cheering me up….however, that is best left for a different post at a different time 🙂
More good advice, unless you are going to Starbuckaroos. Never, ever spend more than 2 bucks on a first date.
P in B,
Yes I was referring tpo your comment about BBQ and the dead guys. It almost made sense tome.
Please explain “your president”.
I kept my cool all night, why do you start with that crap?
Ok, Jonco…how many beers? Me… on the 4th.
Quick change subject!
What do you think of them Laker’s?
Michael Jordan, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Chicago Bulls flag in the window. “This house is yours for eternity, Michael,” said God. “This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here.”
Michael felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a brilliant White, Purple, and Gold sidewalk, a 50 ft. tall flagpole flying an enormous Los Angeles Lakers flag, and in every window a Lakers logo.
Michael looked at God and said “God, I’m not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question: I won six NBA Championships, more awards than I can remember and am the greatest player of all time.”
God said “So what do you want to know, Michael?”
“Well, why does Shaq get a better house than me?”
God chuckled and said “Michael, that’s not Shaq’s house, …it’s mine.”
“Actually, I am quite fluent in sarcasm.”
Yahoo Tehobu!! You are cracking me up tonight.
Just to be fair.
A Kindergarten teacher tells her class she’s a BIG Lakers fan.
She’s really excited about it and asks the kids if they’re Lakers fans too.
Everyone wants to impress the teacher and says they’re Lakers fans too, except ONE kid, named Josh.
The teacher looks at Josh and says, “Josh, you’re not a Lakers fan?”
He says, “Nope. I’m a Sacramento Kings fan!” She says, “Well, why are you a Sacramento Kings fan and not a Lakers fan?”
Josh says, “Well, my mom is a Sacramento Kings fan, and my dad is a Sacramento Kings fan, so I’m a Sacramento Kings fan.”
The teacher’s not real happy, so she says, “Well, if your mom’s an idiot and your dads an idiot, then what would you be?!”
Josh says, “Then I’d be a Lakers fan!”
P in B – Very interesting. I had a feeling about that, probably not for the same reason as me, but I’m getting that feeling from lib friends too. (Yes I have some.)
I’ll assume the “your” was a typo. Jonco needs to get a new printing press. BTW, anybody have any of those “Not My President” bumper stickers left over from the past 8 years? I am in need.
KLAW.
Your President. Aimed at Conservatives.
My President. Aimed at me, and other Liberals.
How about OUR President, aimed at all of us who live here. You know, Americans?
We really, really need to figure out how to stop the BS being forced on us by __________________________ (fill in the blank, any and every media outlet in this country today.) None of these outlets are doing what the Founding Fathers expected a free and independent press to do. You know, expose corruption and criminality at the highest levels of government. Remember, those people work for us. It’s amazing that 537 people (100 Senators, 435 Congress Critters, a President and a VP) can control the other 300 MILLION of us, the residents of America.
Here’s a question for you, KLAW, would Woodward and Bernstein be able to do today what they did in the early `70’s?
Three guys are sitting in the waiting room in heaven, when St. Peter comes out and says, “Ok, I only have one slot left for the day, so I’m going to pick the one of you with the best story. He points at the first guy and says, “You. You’ve been here longest. Tell me what happened.”
“Well, says the guy. “I’ve known for a long time that my wife was having an affair, but I couldn’t catch her. So, I hatched an elaborate plan, told her I was traveling for work, bought plane tickets and left them where she could see them, the whole thing. After I was supposed to be in another city, I snuck back into our apartment. But damn if she didn’t STILL hear me coming. When I got to the bedroom, she was just sitting there in the bed, looking smug. I almost believed her, but then I heard a sound on the balcony — we live 15 stories up — and there’s a naked man hanging off the railing! I flew into a rage, ran out on the balcony, and started beating on his hands, kicking at him, screaming, but he would not let go. Finally, I lost my mind, rushed in, picked up the refrigerator, and threw it over the balcony, knocking him down to his death. But in the meantime, I had a heart attack, and died immediately.”
“Wow,” said St. Pete. “That’s… Wow. Quite a story. Ok, you,” and he points to another guy. “What’s your story, and it better be good.”
“Well,” said the second guy. I live on the 16th floor of an apartment building. I’m a bit of a health nut, so I work out, in the nude, on my balcony for a few hours every morning. The woman who lives below me has really loud sex almost every morning, too, and I admit, I’ve picked up a habit of watching for a few minutes, hanging over my balcony ledge. Well, this morning, she told her guy that her husband was out of town, and they could be REALLY kinky, and I kinda lost my head, leaned too far over, and fell. Luckily, I caught the balcony railing below me, but then, suddenly, the woman’s husband comes screaming out and starts hitting me and kicking me. Like I said, I’m a health nut, and I’m strong, so I was doing okay until he threw a fridge at me. 15 floors is a long way to fall, and I died on impact.”
By now, St. Peter was looking a bit turned on, but he fanned himself off a bit and turned to the third guy. “I don’t know how you can top these two stories, but let’s have it.”
“Picture this,” said guy #3: “There I am, naked, hiding in a fridge…”
Thanks DJ, got to laugh every time I see that one.
DJ,
“Your” was not a typo, if you’re referring to Obama. Please see my post above directed at KLAW for the explanation. I raise my glass of 2008 Allan Scott Sauvignon Blanc to toast you and all the other disparate spirits who contribute to this site.
Paul – You’re right about the media. They don’t report the news anymore, they either are the news or they make up the news. The American people are too willing to just watch or read the news with their mouth hanging slack and believe whatever they see. So few actually look into an issue or candidate past the front page or the 90 second stories on the newscasts. They vote what they think they think rather than actually thinking.
Speaking of Saint Peter, three nuns die and wind up at the pearly gates together. Saint Peter checks their history and says, “all three of you have committed sexual sins that will have to be forgiven.” The first nun admitted that she had given a priest a hand job. Saint Peter told her that she would have to wash her hands in the holy water fountain. The second nun admitted to having anal sex with a priest. Saint Peter told her to wash her butt in the holy water fountain. The third nun then says, “if you think I’m going to rinse my mouth in that fountain after she has been in it, you are very mistaken.”
And I my Molson Ice (#4) to you. (Wine makes my head split completely in two.)
Whatever happened to Gary? Haven’t seen him around in a while.
Jeez, that would either make you twice as smart, or a liberal and a conservative…
A school teacher was explaining the circulatory system to her students. She said “If I was to stand upside down, all of my blood would rush to my head, but when I stand on my feet, it does not happen. Does anybody know why?” Johnny speaks up and says “thats ’cause your feet aren’t empty.”
I think I’m going to check out for now. Have to work in the morn to make up for someone else’s mistake earlier this week. One of those “you scratch my back” things. Somebody will now owe me one.
Paul – Nice getting to know you a little more. Everybody else, see ya later, crocodile.
I’m going to look for Bitsy…if I don’t come back, well, what the hell.
BTW – It was a great night in NASCAR. Mark Martin won, Tony Stewart was top five and Kyle Busch crashed out. Sweet.
DJ and Paul get into a car accident and it’s a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither are hurt. They crawl out of their cars and DJ sees Paul’s car and said “Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.” And then Paul said, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God.”
Then DJ said, “and look at this. Here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Molson Ice didn’t break, surely God wants us to drink this beer and celebrate our good fortune. And so he handed the bottle to the Paul. Paul said he agreed, took a few big swigs, and handed the bottle back to the DJ. DJ took the bottle, didn’t drink at all, put the cap on, and handed it back to the Paul. Paul asked, “aren’t you going to have any?” DJ replied, “No . . . I think I’ll just wait for the police.”
Well,worked on that too long,,DJ left.
Richard,
So Johnny goes home and gets into a game with his neighbor Patty.
Johnny rubs his elbows and says “I’ve got two these!”
Patty rubs her elbows and says “I’ve got two of those, too!”
Johnny pulls his ear lobes and says “Well, I’ve got two of these!”
Patty pulls on her ear lobes and says “I’ve got two of those, too!”
Johnny whips out his male identifier and says “Well I’ve got one of these!”
Patty goes home, crying.
Twenty minutes later, Patty leaves her house and walks up to Johnny, and she is laughing.
Johhny says “What are you laughing at, Patty, because I’ve got one of these and you don’t.”
Patty lifts up her little dress, points at herself and says, “That’s OK, Johnny, my mommy says as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
That is so, so true.
Wonder where everybody is? Usually this place is full of Bella, Bitsy, Infidel and others. Oh well, time to put out the dog and get it on with the wife, or is it the other way around?
I saw it. Loved it. Thanks Tehobu. You done good. I’m out.
Tehobu,
Thanks for the drink, however I always keep Listerine PocketPaks in my pocket, so by the time the cops arrive my breath will be minty fresh!!
Paul in Rats Mouth – I thought you had checked out earlier. Please no more politics tonight. My blood pressure doesn’t need to be up at bedtime.
Richard,
Hello from the mouth of…
not sure why you think I checked out earlier, but since work (ugh) calls at 7 AM, I’m about to. Besides, I haven’t posted politics for about an hour and a half. Heck, just look at it this way: don’t you need something to dream about?
Bella was here for a while, and I have my opinion about why Infi hasn’t made an appearance since post # 1 on this topic, but I will keep that opinion to myself.
Sweet dreams to all.
P in B
Gary…. Where are you, Buddy??? I’m thinking about you 2. 😉
P n B, I am very glad I had a chance to meet you. To be quite honest with you, you make very little sense. Perhaps it is the wHine. Take care of yourself.
so sad…G’nite all.
Good early mornin’ ,Bella, and how are you this Sunday. Yeah my older brother ,60, reconnected with a girl 2 years his younger in high school, but they always had one of those mutual crushes; just went different ways, til NOW. That was 1965! Now, they’ve been burning up the wires from Kc to Atlanta, reconnect via Classmates.com. I guess it’s a great service, but I had a resubsribe issue with them that P.O.ed me. Anyway, she’s a widow and he’s divorced. They’re going to a H.S. reunion September as a couple AND she’s visiting him here in early August, but LOVE called NOW. I knew her back then and I’ve got my fingers crossed for a match!
Thanks for asking!
Well, great. I know where I rate. I’m around for a few posts, then it’s empty. Not just uncrowded….EMPTY. Not just an echo, but ECHO, ECHo, ECho, Echo, echo… I leave the building, the party starts and 148 comments, boom. I think it’s all because of Bella….I’ll bet if I was revrita there’d be a following.