Here is the eulogy that I’m giving this morning at my nieces funeral. I used the poem DJ posted and a couple other snippets people sent me. I want to thank all of your for your kind words of support. It means a lot to me.
I want to paraphrase a poem by Henry Van Dyke who lived in the late 1800’s and the early 1900’s.
In a beautiful blue lagoon on a clear day…
a fine sailing-ship spreads its brilliant white canvas…
in a fresh morning breeze and sails out to the open sea.
We watch her glide away magnificently through the deep blue and
gradually see her grow smaller and smaller as she nears the horizon.
Finally, where the sea and the sky meet,
she slips silently from our sight;
and someone near me says, …. “There, she is gone!”
Gone where?
Gone from sight – that is all.
She is still as large in mast and hull and sail, … still just as able to bear her load.
We just can’t see her any more.
But we can be sure that, just as we say, “There, she is gone!”, …
there are others on a far shore who are watching her coming.
Other voices that take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”
And that is dying.
We’re here to mourn and yet celebrate the short life of Renee Krato.
Who was this young lady whose life we are mourning and celebrating at the same time?
Renee Elizabeth Shelby Krato
Born July 18, 1992 – Died June 29, 2009
She lived 6,190 days 148,560 hours 534,816,000 seconds
All of that in 16 Years 11 months and 11 days
We share our grief with Renee’s…
Mother: Marcy
Father: Michael
Sister: Eryn
Brother: Zachary
Her extended family….
Jamey
Gail
PJ
Grandparents
Great-Grandparents
Aunts
Uncles
Cousins
Friends
and Classmates
Renee just finished her junior year and was going to be a senior at Hazelwood West.
Renee was a typical teenager…..
Like many teenagers she was trying to find her place in this complicated world.
Like many teenagers she would test the boundaries set by her parents.
Like many teenagers she had a passion for music – all kinds of music. From rap…. to rock…. to country…. Old and new.
Like many teenagers she had a knack for everything electronic – computers, her iPod, her cell phone, she was an expert texter.
She had her own FaceBook and MySpace pages and many online friends.
One of her favorite t-shirts was one that says “Jesus Died For MySpace in Heaven”.
Her last post on her MySpace page was “To Kansas City with Daddy and Tim”
Her friends knew that she was a good listener.
She might not be able to solve their problems, but she listened… and she cared.
Her very best friend was her sister Eryn.
Like many teenagers she was a very picky eater. But she loved macaroni and cheese. What kid doesn’t?
She just recently discovered a love for buffalo hot chicken wings.
Mike related a story to me the other night. Renee had gone to Mike’s workplace to visit. She got into a discussion about cars with Mike’s boss. Apparently she said something that was off the wall, and Mike’s boss looked at her and asked, “Does your elevator go to the top floor?” Renee looked at him with that smirky little smile she has and said, “What elevator?”
Yes….. Renee Krato was a typical teenager.
She was always friendly to me. When she would visit us she would always give us a hello hug and a good bye hug. She’d say “Bye Uncle Jon.” It was like I’d known her for her whole life.
Just a few days before the trip to Kansas City, we celebrated Mike’s 45th birthday. I had made a video of pictures of Mike in various poses with friends and relatives. My instructions were to just use the pictures that had Mike in them. I followed the instructions except for one picture that I found while going thru the hundreds that were given to me. It was just too good not to include in the video. It was a picture of Renee, in a swimming pool, ironically, hanging onto the side of the pool, talking on her cell phone will flashing the photographer a peace sign. Typical teenager…. Typical Renee.
In expressing your sympathy to the family these last few days the thing everyone seems to say is: “If I can do anything for you. Whatever I can do, just let me know.” I believe Renee’s family would want you to go home and let your family and close friends know that you love them and you appreciate them. And then live that out everyday that you can. Everybody can do that.
The other recurring theme in everybody’s heart have been the words, “I don’t know what to say. There are no words to express.”
Well, you’re right, there are no words. No one has ever invented the word, or words to express fully what we experience. That’s okay. Language has its limitations. The message still comes through, and the family appreciates that. You don’t have to say anything. You’re being there speaks volumes.
I’d like to read a poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye.
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
(Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!)
Looking out there I can see it in your eyes. I can see her reflection there… in your eyes….
And I know other people will see her too. She will be there in your eyes .
Renee, even though you were taken away from us far too soon, I hope you are comforted …
in the knowledge that you will live in the hearts of all these people here today.
They’re here because they love you.
Take care young Angel.
That’s lovely Jonco.
Very sweet. I’m sorry for your loss. =(
Beautiful. She will also be remembered by people from all around the world through you. You and your family are in my thoughts. xxoo
Ditto. Just beautiful.
I won’t cry, then, Jonco, thogh the words bring the dew. Beautiful.
Please be safe today as you head my way. Looks like rain is heading yours.
Your words are sincere and thoughtful and I hope it brings solace and peace to the ones closest to you. I’m sorry for your loss.
just beauitiful and heartfelt
Lots of strength Jonco. These reflections are superb and may help to dissolve the grief.
I’m sure that all of your fans are with you and the family in these difficult moments.
Love
So much love. So little time.
I can barely type through the tears. Thank you so much for sharing something so personal to you and yours and know that we grieve with you.
Very touching.
That was beautiful.
Very touching. The Lord will enjoy her company.
WOW, that was from the heart. Very nice.
I think every one of us with a child or children teared up reading your exposed emotions.
I grieve with you and your family and agree that you are spreading her memory through sharing with us.
Just keep in mind that she is not suffering, she is in the warmth of the lords love now.
It’s us left behind that hurt for what seems like forever, for her a blink of the eye will go by and all her loved ones will be right there next to her.
Hi Jonco, the poem you have at the start was read by one of my Aunts at my mums funeral, it’s a beautiful sentiment, and oh so true.
Keep safe and strong, remember the good times with Renee. She’s now at peace. My thoughts and wishes are with you and your family today.
that was very nice Jonco
may God give you peace and strength today and the days to come.
DJ thanks for the poem.
You must be a strong guy to stand there today saying these words without losing it. I still can’t get through the first lines of the poem without tearing up. You’re a great guy and uncle to be able do this.
and again,youre all in our prayers !
Thank you for sharing your family’s grief with your huge family around the world. It means much to us. You’ve honored this beautiful young lady nobly.
“Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can’t separate people from love. It can’t take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”
WOW, beautiful.
Thank you for posting that.
Your words mean more to me today than usual ’cause one of my aunt’s granddaughters died in a car wreck last Tuesday night. She just turn 18 and was the older of the three that was in the car. Only one of the them lived. It was said that a cell phone was found that was one of the kids. Someone looked to see whose it was and they saw where their dad just texts her a few minutes before the wreck happen. The dad told her to hurry and not be late getting home. So sad!
Tehobu,
My condolences to you and your family.
i didn’t know her but that’s a good picture,
condolences from italy
So pretty, and so sad. Forever Young.
Beautiful. It gave me shivers. You have a way with words Jonco. I hope your family will find some comfort in them.
For you and your family Jonco…
desiderata – by max ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann c.1920
🙁 awww that’s nice.
I have become a recent fan of bits and pieces and just wanted to tell you that I am so very sorry for your loss. I love this site and visit every day. The way I look at loss when ever I lose someone close to me is that it makes me that much stronger and try that much harder to connect with complete strangers and try to make their day just a little bit better. I know this is something very personal to you and bless you for sharing it with all of us. And keep doing what you are doing with this site. I would hope that if ever there was someone who has been depressed and needing something in their life, even to laugh for just a moment, that they can find it here and maybe their lives – at least for a day – can be that much better for it.
That was beautiful.
My thoughts are with you and your family, Jonco. The Internet has brought us all close and made the concept of friends and acquaintances much wider than it ever has been. I feel your pain and sense of loss from across the world and wish I could be there with you with the right words and a friendly arm across the shoulder.
Safe journey, Renee.
Warwick
Thanks mate, that was very moving.
how sharper than a serpents tooth, for a parent to bury their child,
rest in peace
I’m curious Jonco. I’ve gathered by your posts that you don’t believe in the Christian God. I’ve also gathered by reading Renee’s obituary that God was very much a part of their life in that the first words in her obit are “Krato, Renee Elizabeth- Shelby asleep in Jesus on Monday, June 29, 2009.” I’m curious as to why you make no mention of God or her faith in your eulogy.
Otherwise, very excellent. But if I knew the family were Christian and there’s no mention of God in the eulogy, it would stick out like a sore thumb to me since one of the “goals” of a Christian is to have eternal life with our creator.
Sander,
My part in the service was “Family Remembrances”. There was plenty of God in the ceremony. The pastor took care of that. That’s his job.
I want to thank everyone for all their warm comments. I sincerely appreciate it. When I got to the church I realized I had forgotten to mention her organ donation, so I quickly wrote a little bit about that and added it to the eulogy.
Thanks again for your kind words.
I don’t comment on the religous aspects, nor do I feel qualified to do so. I merely wish to pass on quote I saw somewhere in the past, “No parent should outlive their child”
My condolences to all involved
Regards
Peter
Crying in my coffee as I read this this morning. Very touching.
Dad– you did a great job. Anyone else would have been up there crying and blubbering through it.
Thanks Kris! I felt honored to do it. I love you! I know I don’t say it often enough… but just know it.
Very, very moving.
You have my most sincere sympathy.
krisgo – You did a fine job raising that father of yours.
That was really beautiful. I’m so sorry for your loss.
it’s a beautiful eulogy, and i’m so sorry for your loss.
I was really sorry to read your post about your niece. This was a beautiful tribute to her.
I just learned of your loss, Mike. It’s been many years since you and Aimee spent time at our house, but you have never been forgotten. What a beautiful eulogy. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Love, Rise