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Is there a joke that really made you laugh?
Talk about anything you want today.
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We Scour the Web, so You Don't Have To!
Well it’s starting to clear up for them or maybe they are bringing the warmer weather with them.
I’ve always wanted to make that drive. Beautiful country.
you should. if you get as far as Idaho stop by, but don’t tell DJ.
Ok, shhhhh.
Perhaps they got hung up here, I did.
http://www.travelalaska.com/FoodLodging/LodgesAndResorts.aspx
So this guy walks into a diner in Texas. The waitress immediately notices he’s dressed up very well, but he also has an emu with him. She decides to ignore the emu, and asks him what he wants. He orders a steak, all the trimmings and gets a salad for the emu. As they are about to leave the man asks the waitress what the bill will be, and she tells him “15.00”. He asks her what the tip will be, and she says, “Oh most people go twenty percent if they thought the service was good, and the guy pulls out a wad of ones and hands it to her and walks out. It’s eighteen dollars even, and the waitress is a little freaked.
The next day the same guy shows up, has the emu with him, and he orders the chicken fried steak and likes it so much he orders another plate to go. He asks the waitress what the tab will be, and she tells him, “$22.23” He asks her if twenty percent is a good enough tip, and she tells him it’s fine so he reaches into his pocket and pulls out some money had lays in on the counter and it’s exactly $26.68. Her mind is totally blown.
The next day he orders something different, and a salad for the emu, but this time just as he’s pulling the money out of his pocket the waitress tells him, “Make the tip 26%” and the man hands her the money. It’s the exact amount. She’s flat freaked out.
“WTF?” The waitress asks.
“Well, a found a genie in a bottle, and the bastard had a wicked sense of humor. I told him I never wanted to be without enough money to pay for anything I got, and what I got was the exact amount of money I need to buy anything. Houses, cars, trucks, it doesn’t matter because when I pull it out of my pocket it’s exactly what I need. “
“That’s wicked.” The waitress agreed, “but what’s with the Emu?”
“I wished to have a long legged chick that would follow me everywhere I went.” The man told her.
“Oh that sucks!” The waitress exclaimed. “So why are you so dressed up every day?”
“I wished to be hysterically happy each and every day for the rest of my life.” The man told her.
“So what’s with the suit?”
“I go to my ex-wife’s funeral every day.”
That was a great joke, but I have a sense of humor Mike. I dig jokes like that, keep ’em coming.
http://news.yahoo.com/comics/andycapp;_ylt=AhU7DuKz3AEmO_6pTIltA44DwLAF
There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were then captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial.
First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, “I brought ten apples.” The king then explains the trial to him. You have to shove the fruits up your rear with out any expression on your face or you’ll be eaten. The first apple went in… but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrives and shows the king his ten fruits were berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1… 2…3…4…5…6…7…8… on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore, he also was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven.
The first guy asked, “Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?” The second guy replied, “I couldn’t help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.”
Oh look I found a map of Idaho.
klaw my wife thinks that is the perfect house and setting to live. my teens don’t want to move there and she said that was ok with her they did not have to follow us.
ya DJ but you will never find Post Falls right on I90 next to the Washington border. wait scratch that last part im aaaaa next to Texas ya Texas that’s it.
got to run will check in later buy all
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a stunningly beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight black leather mini skirt with matching leather boots and jacket.
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus’ first step.
So, slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still could not make the step.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So, with a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time the big due from Georgia that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him, “How dare you touch my body!! I don’t even know who you are!!!!”
At this the Georgian drawled: “Well ma’am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind a figured that we was friends.”
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and still shows no improvement.
“Listen,” says the Doc, “I have migraines too and the advice I’m going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school, but it’s advice that I’ve gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little.
Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks.”
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. “Doc! I took your advice and it works! It really works! I’ve had migraines for 17 years and this is the first time anyone has ever helped me!”
“Well,” says the physician, “I’m glad I could help.”
“By the way, Doc,” the patient adds, “You have a really nice house!”
Did you hear Nestle’s is coming out with a Michael Jackson candy bar?
It’s white chocolate with no nuts..
Kmart is going to have a Michael Jackson memorial sale.
Boys pants will be half off.
Better than a Flu Shot!
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
‘Miss Beatrice’, he said, ‘I wonder if you would tell me about this?’ Pointing to the bowl.
‘Oh, yes,’ she replied, ‘Isn’t it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.
Do you know I haven’t had the flu All winter.’
The Surgery!!!
A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her
Vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy.
Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anaesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. “I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!”
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: “I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself.”
“The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago.”
“And what about the third rose?”, she asked.
“That’s from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.
A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. In fact, he pointed out, “Some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”
When the curator left, a Scottish man approached the couple and asked:
“Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”
“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?” asked the couple.
Because I’m the artist; I painted this picture,” he replied. “In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They’re just three Scottish coal-miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.”
What does michaeal Jackson like about 28 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
lol Bella, sorry I missed your tag you’re it until now. I was at work. Man it’s an easy job holding down the fort. lol